How to Trick Your Friends

I was surprised to get a Facebook message from the UCLA hunnies when I turned on my computer this morning. I haven't seen either of them since that one night. And I've only exchanged a few drunk dials with Lisa from time to time.

The message (most likely a group message) was reminder that Lisa and Ann's joint birthday party is this Saturday night.

Under normal circumstances, I would toss this into my electronic trash bin. But these girls can drink (a lot) and thus my newly trained bachelor brain's neurons starts firing, "Joint birthday? Two girls? Two of the biggest lushes I know who also happen to have vaginas? That means lots of BOOZE. That must mean LOTS of girls AND booze will be there!"

It sounds perfect, doesn't it? It sounds like something any single guy would be chomping at the bit for, right? Alas. Here is where my dilemma comes into play.

There is no way I can show up to this party solo. I've run into this problem before; I don't know them THAT well enough. It's too awkward to do that. I need my friends Leo and Jack there.

Unfortunately, Leo and Jack would rather douse themselves in kerosene, light a match, and play their ribs like a xylophone than hang out with those two again. Remember, they were quite the handful when blacked out.

But I really want to go. This party has so much potential, I almost want to weep with joy. They're calling it "A December Not to Remember" for crying out loud! If these party guests drink as much as their hosts, it can almost be assured that they'll drink until I'm attractive.

How do I show these two jokers the light? How can I get them to see the bigger picture?