It looks like I have my work cut out for me today. Thanks to everyone who participated in "Fireside Chats with Your Boy". I had questions ranging from all over the spectrum. Some of the questions I received actually require an entire entry on its own; so if you don't see it answered here... keep an eye out for it in the future.
I also have a guest editor. You all know him as my suave, devil-may-care, roommate Leo. Go ahead and say a few words, Big Guy:
Hello all,
I don't think my roommate realized the size and devotion of his readership when he opened the floor to questions. As such, he's currently pounding away at the keyboard trying to answer them all... I've offered to answer the ones that don't pertain to him personally.
...I feel a bit like a PR spokesperson.
-taps mic on podium, tightens tie, clears throat- "Ok ladies and gentlemen, let's begin."
Thanks and try not to upstage me, motherfucker. And as I always say, "enough pussyfooting". Let's get this show on the road.
Diarrhea of the Mouth asks:
1--mushroom head or a helmet head?
So@24: I actually blanched while reading some of these. And I highly doubt that people are actually interested if I'm circumsized or not. But I said you could ask ANYthing so...
There's definitely is a part of me that is more Jewish than most other parts on my body.
2--shaved or trimmed?
So@24: You gotta manage the field if you wanna play ball. Not scorch it.
3--how big? i heard asian men have small penises is it true?
So@24: I don't know exact measurements (do guys actually do this? I'm curious on the stats of how many do). But I never heard any complaints from the ex, so I'll take that as a good sign. Either that or she wanted to spare my feelings. However, there was that time I went to a gay bar and one of the patrons told me "I had a pretty big dick for an asian." I don't know whether to be insulted or to feel like a champion.
4--fake boobs or real boobs
So@24: I have no frame of reference since I've never "experienced" fake breasts. People would always prefer real anyway, right?
5--what is too fat for a girl
So@24: I've been told I'm not extremely picky when it comes to this. I'd rather have a thicker girl than one who looks like the bad guy at the end of Last Crusade.
6--why does tofu goes with everything?
So@24: Does it? I'll disagree with that.
7--do men like adult toys?
So@24: Again, no frame of reference. Ex and I never dabbled. I'm sure you can ask my roomie though.
Leo: -raises eyebrow-
"The hottest thing a guy can experience... the most exciting, sexiest, holy-hell-my-balls-are-going-to-melt feeling... is making a girl orgasm. So along those lines, yes, we love them. On you."
8--weirdest place you ever masturbated
So@24: I'll save the masturbation post for another time. But it will be answered, don't worry. Leo's been begging me to write about it for awhile now.
9--how much money would you take to sleep with a really hot gay guy and no one ever found out?
So@24: I honestly don't think any amount of money could make me. I'm not a homophob by any means, but it's definitely not my thing. I'd have to live with that for the rest of my life.
10--what is the ancient Chinese secret?
So@24: Calgon. Duh. (points so whoever gets this reference!)
NYC Ponderings Chick asks:
I would like to know more about living on the west coast, what do west coast people do, what kinds of food do they eat..does the toilet flush in a different direction?
Me: The problem with comparing the two is that I haven't been over the East coast a lot. I went to New York once when I was a sophomore and I barely remember it. I guess I'd need for you to tell me what you THINK we do and I'll try and dispel or confirm any stereotypes.
But your toilet theory intrigues me...
Leo: It's prettier, the food's better, the weed's better, the people are nicer (and hotter) we're more liberal, and the weather's great.
Tiff asks:
What's your idea of a perfect night out? Perfect night in? Turn offs? Turn ons?
And hey, whatever happened to that crazy cocktease girl, Janice?
So@24: Trying to think of the perfect night out is really difficult for me to answer, because I haven't been on a real date since... Lynn, which puts me about 7 years ago? And when I was during the "courting" stages with her, we did the usual "dinner and a movie". But my first date with her was carving pumpkins at her house and then taking her to a high school football game. So, I guess I don't know what the perfect night out is.
Perfect night in. This one is a little easier, but again I only have my experience with Lynn to play off of. I like to order in, so that's an absolute must. Some of my favorite nights were getting food-to-go, coming back and watching back to back episodes of whatever show we were into at the time. We'd stay up until 2 or 3 some nights watching entire seasons of Sopranos, Family Guy, or Arrested Development. I often wonder if other girls out there have that kind of endurance!
Turn offs: shitty MySpace pages, girls who know they're hot and act like it, any girl who openly discusses bodily functions (I'm not being a hypocrite, I hate that stuff too), terrible taste in music, Republicans, not college educated
Turns ons: girls who can karaoke, girls who are straight up and can fight the double standard about "men have to be the ones who approach women", blatant flirts (but only with me), who can quote hilarious movies, who can eat a chili cheese burger and not comment once on how it effects her weight, I think it's cute when girls cry (it's weird, I know), girls that laugh at my jokes.
Janice. Oh man. She actually moved out of Los Angeles and back home last weekend! I saw her for about 2 mins. at her going away party last weekend, but it wasn't significant to talk about. We stopped communicating after awhile, so she kind of just disappeared from the radar. Whew!
Dr. Ken (aka The Gancer) asks:
Tell us what your ideal woman would be like.
So@24: 1. She can drink. And not just wine or Kettle One. I'm sorry, but that's what's appealing to me right now. I don't want some girl whose in super-ultra adult mode. 9-5. In bed by 10 on weekends.
2. Likes to stay up late, sleep in and takes frequent naps. Sleeping in is like 12:00 or 1, not 10:30.
3. Who appreciates the old Nickelodeon shows. Salute Your Shorts, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Are You Afraid of the Dark, etc. Who can recite the theme songs.
4. She can shotgun a beer.
6. Doesn't get shy and will belt out "Say It Ain't So" or "Tiny Dancer" at any given moment.
7. And as my boy Rivers Cuomo puts its, "I want a girl who laughs for no one else." (lots o' Weezer references)
8. I love humor. I've read studies that guys are not attracted to "funny" girls. But I consider it a girl's most attractive quality (if she has it!).
9. Leo may have put it best: a fantastically beautiful girl, not sexy, just one that when you look at you can't help but smile. Radiant. Imagine her humming Ben Fold's "The Luckiest" as she cooks breakfast in a ratty t-shirt and a pair of your soccer shorts. Imagine her waking you up by kissing your closed eyes.
To Kiss The Cook asks:
1. If becoming friends with Lynn's current guy was an option, would you do it? If so, what would be the motivation?
So@24: I don't think so. Even if we were complete strangers without the "I started dating your girlfriend 2 weeks after you broke up" stigma attached, from what little I know about him, we wouldn't get along. He's the oil to my water, Monkees to my Beatles, the Nickelback to my good music. Opposites in almost every way. And he had a mean jealous streak, so I don't think he'd be open to that option. And he'll always be the guy who dipped his dirty mitts in my girlfriend's honey pot.
2. Will it be easier or harder to get over her if you talk more often?
So@24: That's a hard one to ask, because I honestly don't know. I can only go with what I feel right now, because that's all I have to go off of. I've never done a breakup like this before. All I can say is that I'm really happy that I'm rebuilding that friendship (although we both know it's a fragile situation so we're taking it slow) and I'm not finding myself struggling to get over her, pining like I was months ago. We'll just have to see how it goes.
3. Are you to a point of wanting to get over it? Not forget it, but change the way you think of her.
So@24: I'm going to take this questions like a "would you get back together with her", because that's essentially what it addresses (right?). Because why would I not want to get over her if I didn't want to get back together with her. People ask me this all the time and again, I can't say for sure. One thing I've learned from the whole thing is that you really can't predict what's going to happen to you... no matter how sure you are. To say "I'd never get back together with her" is a strong statement that might change in time. I don't think we would, but who can really say for sure? Right now, I am satisfied talking with her and joking around like we used to. I'm not angry or depressed about not getting more from it.
TheNextFish asks:
Do you think you could ever be happy 'just' being friends with the ex?
So@24: Again, I can't say for sure. Right now, I am happy just being friends and I can't ask for anything more from her or from me at this time. I certainly hope that's the case.
Elyce the Portuguese asks:
Starting over at 24 I imagine is no easy task. What was the hardest part of breaking up with Lynn, personally? (as far as, "establishing an identity that did not include 'boyfriend of Lynn'") Do you ever feel spiteful towards her now that you realize you're 24 and you're just beginning to date?
So@24: I've addressed this in the past, but I'd be lying if I didn't have a tinge of animosity about all of this happening when I was already out of college. I was with her all throughout college, which is your prime "dating years", I feel. Although I was extremely social (I went out to sorority dances and parties and had tons of girl friends), I never went on dates or anything. So it definitely stung a bit that as soon as she transferred from community college to a large university, she broke up with me for the first guy she met.
College is where you meet a lot of new people. You're thrown into situations where it forces you to. I've learned that now, it's much more difficult to meet new people. It's been extremely difficult to learn how to "re-date" at 24 years old when you're in such a comfort zone for six years.
Ubermouth asks:
If you were a girl for a day (and night) what would be the priority things that you would like to do?
So@24: Stand in front of the mirror naked all day playing with my boobs and giving myself the three knuckle shuffle. Duh. It's what every guy would do.
Drunken Chud asks:
How the fuck do you stay in a 6 year relationship? My longest is 8 months. I get bored too easily. How do you combat the boredom?
So@24: I can't begin to count how many times I've had to pick people's jaws off the floor when I tell them how long we dated. We dated longer than most marriages in the US, I feel.
I can honestly say I never got bored with her, even after that long. Every couple has their squabbles, but her and I never fought that often. We didn't have to make a lot of sacrifices, because we both were very in sync with what we liked to do. Liked the same music, movies, activities, food. She always cracked me up and I could always get a smile from her. As soon as you find all that, you're golden.
Hmmm. Well, maybe not golden. I guess we're not together anymore, so uh... take that with a grain of salt.
Laughing Through My Chardonnay asks:
SO@24 do you even know what type of girl you like? Besides one with giant sweater cows that is.
So@24: Dammit. You know me too well. I'm a motarboatin' son of a bitch, what can I say?
Charming Hedonist asks:
1. Exactly what the hell do you do in the entertainment industry?
Leo: Excellent question Char-char. While I'm not entitled to discuss specifics at this time, I can tell you that currently he's employed as an Executive Assistant (or EA as they say in the biz) at a company that manages comics, comedy clubs, and produces some comedy shows, including several "Comedy Central Presents".
It sounds cool, but in truth it's not. Read the passage where Dante passes through the 7th ring of hell--that's it. Luckily he leaves for much greener pastures on January 2nd.
2. Which celeb do you most want to sleep with and why?
So@24: Katherine Heigel please! Physically, she fits everything that make my penis suffer from rigor mortis. Cute girl next door face (I like round cheeks), blond, ample bosom. I fell in love with her in Knocked Up.
I mean, come on.
3. Do you secretly enjoy the Britney Spears downward spiral? (Because I do, and I think I'm going to spend a little time in hell for it so it'd be nice to know I'll have company)
So@24: I have faith in Britney. I plan on being her shoulder to cry on when the rest of the world has turned their back on her. And then I'll slowly gain her trust. I'll get her back into shape like the coach on Rocky. Grow her shit out. And then she'll be hot again. Remember her first album cover!? Holy hell! She's just going nuts because she hasn't had anyone service her in awhile. That's where I come into play. And when everyone wants her back again, she'll remember the one who had faith the entire time.
4. What's the craziest thing an LAer has ever said to you? (I'm from a small town, I've never been to LA but I've heard things.)
So@24: Again, I think I have to reference my gay bar adventure.
Leo: Frankly people in LA are just as batshit crazy as they are in other cities of similar size, such as NY. I'd venture to say that on the whole LAers are nicer than NYers, but more self-absorbed. Basically what I'm trying to say is West Coast > East Coast. What what, biotches...
-flashes Wes-siee gang sign-
5. And, the other question that all of your female bloggers are dying to know -- how on earth are you still single? Are you a dick in real life? Too picky? Have a unibrow? Or a third arm? What's the deal? My friend, Girl in a Guy's World and I ask this question every time we read your blog.
So@24: I don't think I'm a dick and I don't think people would describe me as one. I have a lot of friends and a lot of friends who are members of the opposite sex, so I don't think that's the problem. I'm a pretty sociable guy.
I've been told I'm extremely picky and I've actually been told once, "You can't expect the next girl you date to be as pretty as Lynn". That was extremely encouraging to say the least.
I don't think I'm unattractive, but I'm self conscious about my height and the fact that I'm half asian. It's a rough world out there for our types. And more often than not, girls always say they prefer dating taller men.
So as for why I'm single? I'm not quite sure. I guess I haven't found anyone "that girl" yet and it doesn't help that it's extremely hard to meet people.
But that's the whole fun of this blog, right?
Brianiac Chick asks:
If you had to give every woman in this world one piece of advice about dealing with men, what would it be?
So@24: Damn this is a hard one! I feel like all the pressure is on me to do this right for the sake of an entire gender.
Leo: But it varies greatly from guy to guy, but on the whole... be honest, be open and please for the love of Christ give "emotion" a time out and let "logic" and "reason" get some fucking playing time.
Also, be comfortable naked. We love you naked.
Katelin asks:
What's the craziest thing to happen to you in LA so far?
Leo: Well, your definition of 'crazy' is a bit ambiguous, but I'll tell you about the craziest "LA" night we ever had. It involved a red carpet, paparazzi, being 'on the list', ravaging the free poolside bar, ordering a drink next to Paris Hilton, literally rubbing elbows with Lindsay Lohan, staring at Ali Larter and watching Kirsten Dunst get hit on. Now, this sounds cool, but in all truth it really isn't our scene. The night was more of a sociology expose into the inner sanctum of the Hollywood upper crust. Verdict--Not so cool.
Steph asks:
Y-fronts/briefs/boxers?
So@24: Definitely a boxers guy. But I've often thought of going to Y fronts because every 1 in 5 boxers you own is what I refer to as a "phoenix boxer" phenomenon. It's when the stitching is all wrong and the front flap doesn't quite do it's job of keeping all your bits and pieces inside. Makes for awkward situations of trying to cram that bad boy back in at inopportune moments
What is the best smell in the world?
So@24: Abercrombie 8 (for women, of course).
Dancefloor or bar?
So@24: I don't hit the dance floor unless I'm absolutely shit faced and/or blacked out. But when I do, it's magic. I'd much prefer a pub.
Favorite female body part?
So@24: It's not strictly a female body part, but I always like the back of girls' arms. It's extremely bizarre, but it's one of the softest parts! Try it!
...
Where are you going? Please come back...
BottleBlonde asks:
Am I not the hottest chick you've ever seen?
So@24: I really haven't seen you. But your pixelated fun bags look pretty dope in that one picture. You're as cute as a button.
What is it about me that turns you on?
So@24: I'm running out of nicknames for your chest-lovelies.
What are you buying me for Kwanzaa?
So@24: Oh shit. I... um... you see, honey... the thing is... "I love you"?
Do you think this potato sack makes me look fat?
So@24: Well no, not if you... put this around... no wait, what if we cut this part? No. Wrap this here.
Okay yes it does. It's a fucking potato sack, Blondey.
TrixieFireCracker asks:
1. what is considered "too fat" for a girl?
So@24: I love that this question came up twice!
2. How much does looks really matter? (honestly)
Me: Looks are extremely important, in that it gets things started. You have to be physically attracted to someone before anything can happen. Why would you even begin to investigate someone if you didn't find them physically attractive in the first place? I think you're lying to you think looks aren't an important factor.
However, it doesn't mean that it's the be-all-end-all. There are plenty of attractive girls whose personalities are completely repulsive. Once I've determined this, I move on elsewhere. You gotta have both. Yin and yang, my friends.
3. How's the being-friends-with-your-ex coming along? I tried my hand at that, and it ended so horribly it wasn't even funny.
So@24: So far, so good. We don't overload or talk every day. We're open and honest about how we feel about the whole process. The whole thing is one of the most mature things I've ever done. I hope it stays the course. I'll probably blog about this very topic later on as it progresses.
GiveEmHellHarry asks:
Don't you owe me a tagging post?
So@24: I had to pass on this one. My computer with all my songs on it is from 1997 and freezes if more than one application is open at a time (e.g. the hamster gets tired running on his wheel).
You wouldn't want me to participate anyway. It's a bunch of embarrassing punk music from the early 2000's, ABBA, and Hall & Oates.
Sequined asks:
Why leave Seattle, or any other city for that matter, for LA?
Leo: "Well... 'tis true. LA isn't exactly the top of the Cool City list. But... the truth is, it's the beating heart of the industry in which both SO@24 and myself want to make our careers. Other than that, the weather is really sweet. It was 80 degrees yesterday.
So@24: I love, love, love Seattle. I want to go back one of these days. That's probably the place where I will set my roots down the line. But, I needed to give "the industry" a shot while I'm young and can make those mistakes. Gotta live where the action is if you want a chance at all!
Lisa asks:
You know what i love? GRAPHS. Graph different emotions on the y axis, and time on the x axis. THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT!
* Leo's art
La Ebria asks:
Post about how you think you and your current life would be different if you hadn't dated Lynn for 6 years. What if you had been single during college?
Basically, what do you think so@24's doppelganger is like?
So@24: This is a great, great question that I think will require an entire post on it's own.
To Kiss the Cook asks:
As a member of the entertainment industry, have you ever seen a break-up/loss on film that you really empathized with?
So@24: Another great one I'll think I'll save for another time.
* * *
I hope that was enlightening, grasshoppers. It was fun. Perhaps we'll play again sometime. Again, if I didn't get to it this time, it's because the question was so HUGE that a seperate entry will be dedicated to it.
Now go out and get drunk this weekend. Here's hoping for some awkward experiences!
Taking a shot,
So@24 & Leo
Now go out and get drunk this weekend. Here's hoping for some awkward experiences!
Taking a shot,
So@24 & Leo