"You know, I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it going to happen? I just don't see how it could occur."
- George Costanza, Seinfeld "The Pony Remark"
There are nights when it's great to just be out with "the boys". Playing drinking games, sitting
around, shooting the shit about a variety of subjects: our careers, insights into the dating world, venting about our problems with the female gender... and sex.
Oh lordy. Sex.
Saturday night was definitely one of those nights. The more Natural Light cans piled up on the ground around us, the bolder and more graphic the discussion got.
But I felt like that kid on Christmas who didn't get a Sega Genesis. Or the lovable, but inexperienced protagonist in the locker room of an after school special. There was once a I time I could have contributed to this conversation, but to be honest, I felt awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin.
"Doggystyle is by far the best position. Seriously."
"Are you kidding me? No way. Reverse cowgirl*."
"When was the last time you've guys had sex when you were really, really hammered? Probably one of my favorite things to do."
"Man, I'm on my 3 month pinch right now. It's certainly been awhile."
Everyone in the room was contributing their own anecdotes and opinions. I sat crosslegged on the floor texting anyone I could think of hoping to completely hide myself from having to participate.
It's not like I'm a virgin. But it's certainly been awhile and I got a funny feeling in me reminiscing about my sex life with Lynn (I quickly slammed another beer to change my thoughts to something else). I used to be able to talk to the guys about what I preferred, what she liked, bring my own personal opinion to table. This just caused me to actually perspire a bit.
Being out of the game just made me scratch my head and blush, silently hoping the conversation would go somewhere else and no one would realize that I haven't uttered a single word in the last 20 minutes.
Sex. I've forgotten what that is. I feel like there's a vagina involved at some point, but I might have to Wikipedia it.
* Yes. This is in fact the second time I've used the "reverse cowgirl" in my blog.