Welcome once again to another brutally honest edition of Fireside Friday. Sit down, make yourself comfortable. Grab yourself a glass of digital cognac while I pour myself a glass of wine (I'm actually doing this) and let's take that psychological scalpel to my chest cavity.
Once again my roommate and comrade Leo will answer some of the questions where he might have better insight than I.
Ready?
Let's begin.
Clumsy Chatterbox asks:
What do you think was the most significant thing that happened in your relationship with Lynn? Think life-changing.
So@24: This is a really difficult question to answer, because I don't think I'll be answer that one until I'm a little older. And where do you begin really? She was my first everything: serious girlfriend, first sexual experience (Thanks for making me a man! -pounds chest with a single fist-), first love, blah blah blah. All of those things are significant.
Our break up was also extremely significant: forced me to look at myself in a different light, to learn that life can't be planned no matter how much you think you can. Nothing's set in stone. Let's see how many more cliche's about heartbreak I can cram in here.
Sorry if that's a cop out answer, but we learned a lot from each other during our 6 years together.
Michelle & the City asks:
So are you REALLY over the ex?
So@24: I've heard the notion thrown around that there are some people in your life who you might never get over. There is no doubt in my mind that Lynn is probably that girl.
Now, this isn't to say that I don't think I'll have feelings for someone else and I'm waving tattered white flag surrendering in my quest for romance at all. Again, if I look back to how I was a year ago, I was a complete mess. But I'm okay now. I'm not consuming six packs of beer on my porch reflecting on what was or losing sleep at night like I once was.
I'd be lying if I said there weren't some moments when I miss her. I might not be completely over it, but I'm not that emo mess I used to be.
Anonymous asks:
What were your top 3 songs when you were in the midst of your break up with Lynn and why? What is your theme song now?
So@24: Great, GREAT question. I'll list my top 3 songs and the most important lyrics to those songs.
1. Ben Folds "Gone"
Leo can vouch for me that this was on repeat for a long time during the thick of the breakup. The lyrics are perfect. (Leo says: "Many times a day, many times in a row. Luckily it's a great song otherwise I'd have shot you.")I know that you went straight to someone else
2. Fallout Boy "Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things To Do Today"
While I worked through all this shit here by myself
And I think that you should spend sometime alone
But if you won't
Then you won't
And I will consider you gone.
Everyone has an angry breakup song and this was mine. I used to love pounding a beer and singing these lyrics at the top of my lungs. Over dramatic, emo, drunkenness? Yeah. I can admit that.
So bury me in memory
His smile's your rope
So wrap it tight around your throat
I consider this my reflection song. He sings about realizing the mistakes he made and looking back on what happened. But my favorite part is when he says he'll be a different person for someone else, and it's sad that his ex will never be able to see that side.
She'll never see that part of meHonorary mentions:
I want to be for her
What i could never be for you
Less Than Jake "Ghosts of You and Me"
Alkaline Trio "Crawl"
Relient K "Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet"
My theme song regarding the aftermath:
Relient K "Up and Up"
It's upbeat and uplifting. The lyrics speak of reflecting on the past, but looking toward the future.
The history and what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the life that I have
The end is where I'll be
2) In general, would you say that you would prefer the chance to
a) Date/Hook-up with several (or a succession) of really cool people on a casual/semi-serious basis
b) Be in a one-on-one relationship, even if it's not a 100% perfect situation
So@24: I guess I'd need some clarification on this one. What's "not a 100% perfect situation"? Long distance? Because, I've done long distance before and I'd be willing to do it again for the right person.
Then again, hooking up with several really cool people seems pretty awesome. Something I've never experienced. Grass is always greener, I suppose.
Leo: What's a relationship?
You've made reference to girls who are too shallow to date a guy who is shorter than they are, but then often describe the girls you find attractive as "petite". How tall is too tall?
So@24: Really? When do I say this? Because of anything, out of all the people I know, I actually am the most likely to pick one with a little meat on her bones (ask Leo). Lynn is extremely petite, but she was an exception.
How tall is too tall? I can't judge people off their height. I just can't. I stand a towering 5'3" and it kills me that I'm automatically shut out of a lot due to my height. It's something I'm self conscious about, so I guess to answer your question... it doesn't matter to me. How can I be picky at 5'3"? That'd be hypocritical, don't you think?
Is Lynn still with the other guy?
So@24: No, she's not. She broke up with him a few months ago, because... well, they were a shitty couple. This happened a few months ago when she first felt that it was "okay" to contact me. Not sure exactly if they are talking now or what. It's still a sensitive subject for me, so the few times I talk to Lynn, I never bring it up. And I think she knows better than to do so.
What piece of advice do you get given the most by friends/readers/random passersby on the street regarding successfully meeting/dating a young lady? What advice would you or your male friends give to a young lady who is single and looking?
So@24: Whew. This one's a really tough one, because I'm not a dating guru... I'm learning just like everyone else, that's the whole theme of the blog, right? I don't know what it's like to meet and date young ladies! I haven't done it yet. My friends are often the ones giving ME advice. That also includes everyone who comments!
Leo: My advice to So@24 almost invariably touches on not being hesitant to test the waters... hold that eye contact a little long, a brief touch on the forearm when you laugh at their joke. Don't mire yourself in friendville, but keep it out of the sleaze zone. My advice to a young lady? Probably the same. Some guys are very shy (myself included) and won't pursue a girl they like for risk of getting shot down and hurt. So don't be afraid to flirt a little more with a guy you like, you may be richly rewarded (and on that note, steer clear of the guys who pursue aggressively... if they do it with you, they do it with many others).
Cage Queen asks:
What do you think of personals sites? Would you ever try one? Or do they "defeat the purpose"?
So@24: Great question. I'll save this one for a separate post on its own. Which was also your question
D asks:
Is there a girl in your world who's not on the main stage, but that you've got a thing for that's never been expressed? Like a coffee girl, or someone you see in your neighborhood...someone you don't know at all, but you notice? If so...why haven't you broken the ice?
So@24: Great, great question D. And in fact, this will be my next blog topic. Stay tuned.
the other batman asks:
Why are you obsessed with the concept of dating?
So@24: Obsessed? I guess that might be an accurate term, although I'm not proud to admit it. I started writing this blog because it was therapeutic for me to just sit down and get all my thoughts out. And once I started to do so, I thought "wow, isn't it a funny thing for someone to start their first "dating" experience when they are fucking 24 years old?" just because everyone I know has done it for years; while I'm experiencing it for my first time. I knew that I 'd love it if I read about someones's adventures of doing this, so I decided to do so.
A Martini Always Helps asks:
Thanks to rs's question, I suddenly thought -- Who misses "Hey Dude?" I sure do. That show was next level.
So@24: I was never a big "Hey Dude" fan. Give me The Adventures of Pete and Pete any day.
Oh, but I suppose you want a *real* question. Why does it seem (to me at least) that everyone is single in LA, but every single person says it's hard to meet someone in LA? Are all the single people playing a game of hide-and-go-seek but forgot to pick someone to be the seeker?
So@24: I really, really wish I knew the answer to this one. Because then this whole dating thing would be a lot easier. If you find out the answer, you wanna send some of that my way?
sequined asks:
What is your "type"? What kind of a girl would you approach in a bar/club?
So@24: I really like outgoing girls, ones who aren't shy. And as I mentioned before, I like girls who I think are funny and can make me laugh: instant turn on. For a more detailed list, go here or here.
Leo: Amen to that. Can't say it enough... girl who has that amazingly clever sense of humor where after you laugh, you can't help but think... "how'd she think of that?" That makes Uncle Leo weak in the knees.
So@24: I don't know if I'd ever approach a girl in a bar. I don't have the juevos.
...
Neither do I though.
What is your favorite bar in Seattle? Don't you miss Seattle?
So@24: I miss Seattle. I think I'll probably end up back their later in life when I "settle down". It's a perfect city!
I really didn't explore much of the bar scene in Seattle besides what was within walking distance from UW's campus. Tommy's Bar and Grill will always have a special place in my heart for their $3 pitchers and always allowing in my friends who were clearly underage. But Earl's is legendary for making the stiffest drinks I've ever encountered (and I've consumed paint thinner). Ahhh The Ave...
Is Leo single and does he have any interest in visiting Germany? (You're invited too.)
So@24: I can't ever imagine Leo having a girlfriend (although he has had girlfriends before). If that day ever comes, I may shed a tear (Leo: "Pickiest Guy in the Visible Universe Award on my mantle"). You'd probably fall in love with him, like every other girl who meets him. But he's not exceptionally tall, so I'd be interested on what you'd think.
Keep a beer stein chilled for me.
How seriously should I take horoscopes?
So@24: Not at all. You should read up on this brilliant man and I think you can watch the documentary on the web. Or watch this:
So@24: Good question. I have absolutely no idea, because I haven't experienced one side of the argument (I'll let you figure out which one I'm talking about). But at the risk of completely calling out my roommate, this would be a great one for Leo to answer...
Leo: Great question. Simple answer--yes, sleeping with other people helps. It boosts self confidence and esteem, allows you to focus on someone new, and takes your mind off (if only a little) your ex and the raw wound that was left after a separation.
That being said, it depends on the individual... for some people, casual sex actually decreases self-esteem--I think this happens for women who may feel "slutty" afterwards (let me say now that any guy who thinks you're a slut for getting yours is operating on a chauvinistic double standard, and I can pretty much guarantee he's not worth your time).
As always, have sex with people who you respect and, most importantly, respect and value you. Even if it's casual, strictly no-strings-attached. Other than that, bang away. It's cathartic, therapeutic, a good workout and and orgasm or two.
What kinds of underpants are cutest on a girl?
So@24: Do girls wear underwear? I can't remember exactly.
Leo: None? Boyshorts close second though.
GiveEmHellHarry asks:
Stop loving me and calling my gray matter cute. My gray matter is devilishly handsome, not cute.
Anyway, here's your question. Please explain to us all again why you're not getting laid? At the very least, there has to be one lady who writes comments here that would love to be the girl who broke SO's "losing" streak.
So@24: I think it's easier to be charming and suave hidden behind a computer monitor than actually trying these out in the real world. Maybe I should just walk up to girls at bars and present them a fancy business card with just my blogging address on it.
And besides, you actually think one of the readers would want to sleep with me knowing damn well I'd blog about every detail .05 seconds after sealing the deal? Ha!
Prin asks:
My question: Does it bother you that you have a swarm of girls "awwing" at you on your blog constantly?
So@24: I don't think there is a guy in the world who would be bothered by that. Unless he doesn't enjoy the company of women.
YOUR BLOG IS AWESOME!
I love reading a guy's POV.
Now, I need your POV on something. My question. I have my friend in Spain, Nano and he and I are super close. I would love to think it is something more, but I am just not sure. I feel like I am in your Beth situation but I don't want to write a letter for fear of scaring him away. I don't want the awkwardness, I don't think I am ready for that. However, I think he and I are 100% compatible. He calls me his confidant, tells me everything. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. I sent him a ton of dvd's and cd's for Christmas...that should have been the biggest hint for him, but I think he is blind to it. How do you think I can tell if he is reading me? I'm so bad at this.
So@24: I recently came to the realization that you can't be worried about scaring someone away. Would you really want to date/be involved with someone who be afraid about you telling your feelings to them? If anything, they should be GLAD you're saying something, right? If they are scared off, then it's obviously not going to work out anyway. I don't know how helpful that insight is and I don't like to speak for my gender in general (like some dbags do). I can only tell you what I think of the situation based on my own tao.
So@24: Really?? I haven't noticed them. I feel like a complete asshole, sorry about that. Email me and I'll get back to you on those.
Angela asks:
I've been rather silent on your blog as of late. I think I am intimidated by all of your fans now. Your blog has really taken off. I just wanted you to know that I am still reading...daily. You are my night cap.
I wonder what you are like outside of this blog material. With the risk of stepping outside the theme of the blog, I am wondering if there are other themes that consume your life. Surely you don't spend all of your time thinking about relationships and getting laid do you? You don't have to share, but I think this is my way of asking if you are okay. Do you think that starting this blog and getting such a good response from it is creating a fixation on your past and reversely your future? I know, I know...it sounds like psychobabble but these are the things I think about.
Hope all is well in your non-blogging life.
You're right; my life isn't entirely consumed about my pursuit of the ever elusive "tail" and thoughts of my past relationship. But I'd be lying if I didn't think of both often. I just got a new job and I'm working to establish myself in my career circle. I like to write (obviously) about other things that aren't necessarily about dating or sex or my ex-girlfriend and our relationship.
Is this blog hindering my looking toward the future? I certainly don't think so. Because I really try not to reflect on my old relationship, but it's almost inevitable sometimes to compare where I am at now to where I was back then. Look at the transitions of my posts now from the beginning of this blog for proof. It's amazing (to me anyway).
If anything I'm writing this to record what it's like to move ahead. I hope you don't think I sit at my computer and pine about the old days and how I can relive those times again.
rs27 asks:
Question - On Salute Your Shorts why did Donkey Lips get such a bad rap? Sure he was overweight, not very good looking and had a lisp but...
So@24: It's a shallow, shallow world out here, Rs27. My heart goes out to Donkey Lips. Remember that episode when he thought that Dina wanted to go with him to the dance? Truly heartbreaking, he didn't deserve that embarrassment and humiliation. I can't even begin to imagine the traumatic effects to his self esteem after that one. I think this is a lesson for all girls to just give a guy a chance, even though you might not be interested initially.
And ZZ was pretty cute, but no one really gave her the time of day either.
Sid asks:
Just been reading some of your old blog posts. The one with the crazy chick, Janice? I found some of it hilariously funny and the others a little disconcerting.
1) In one of your posts you said that she flipped out, called you four times and then said she was going to bed because she was waiting for you for an hour. What I'd love to know is whether you guys have actually decided on a specific time to hook up. If not then she is just CRAZY.
So@24: Hook up? Do you mean like did we actually talk about "hooking up" or just "meeting up"? Because in either case, none happened. It was a general, "Hey I'll call you when I'm on my way" kind of deal.
2) I'm a little amazed that she asked you why you were showering before coming over to her place. I know you weren't showering for her but showering before a date is something I always do. I want to drive the other person complete ape shit crazy. And one way to do that is to smell incredible. Right?
So@24: True. But I didn't take it as a date and I don't think she thought it was one either. Regardless, I shower almost every night anyway.
Leo: What's a shower?
3) She wasn't waiting for you, wearing her pjs and no make-up? WTF? That obviously wasn't a date. This was a sleep over. Did you make it clear to her that you weren't gay.
So@24: She knew I wasn't gay. But I don't think she wanted a sleep over. I went with my gut instinct with this one and I knew that she was the ULTIMATE carrot dangler. She liked the attention.
She sucked. Trust me.
Leo: Oh man did she suck.
4) Laughed out loud when you were explaining how boring she is BUT at the same time she's cute and has a nice rack. But then I paused for thought and wondered if I was Janice. Are guys just pretending to be interested in my thoughts?
So@24: If you are actually interesting, then I don't think you should worry about it. But this girl was the absolute worst when it came to engaging in conversation. So like my primitive chimpanzee/caveman instincts kicked in and I started to look for things to distract me. I pride myself on my listening skills; that is, if you have something to say.
You've probably got more questions than you can handle at this point, but I thought I'd toss these two your way. Feel free to use them or not, depending on your need
1) Name a female celebrity or fictional female character that you find attractive/sexy and explain what it is about them that you find attractive.
So@24: Well, what's the fun of picking out a celebrity? I picked one last time, so I'll choose some fictional characters.
Laura from High Fidelity. And no, not from the movie. I'm talking the book (which if you haven't read, pick up immediately.) She's smart, she's spontaneous, she's funny. But most importantly, she's patient and she does her best to understand Rob. However, she's not a push over. Laura doesn't let Rob walk all over her which is when the book starts off. She goes with her instincts and I imagine she's not the type to rely heavily on the opinions of her friends (also in the book) or self-help books. She goes with her gut and I admire that in anyone.
Oh. And she asks Rob, completely catching him off guard, to have sex in a car. That's pretty sexy. My favorite part of the book for numerous reasons.
Leo: An intelligent, well-spoken girl, with a great sense of humor is the hottest thing under the sun to me. If she's a democrat, the planets have aligned. Taking that into consideration, I'd say Jennifer Aniston. So@24 has a serious soft spot for a certain invincible cheerleader.
So@24: Save the cheerleader. Save the world.
mentalTHREESIXTY asks:
Seeing that your blog is becoming more and more popular, are you ever concerned that it may somehow be seen by your "cast of characters." Namely Beth, Lynn or any of the other "Girlies?" And what steps do you take to try to ensure this doesn't happen?
Lynn discovered the blog on her own and to this day I'm not entirely sure how. But she's since forgotten the address and I don't think she keeps up with it. I've sent her some posts in the past and she enjoys reading them from time to time. I wrote about that here.
But if people discover it, I don't really mind that much. I don't censor myself because of it. The blog must go on!
Can we get another picture of Beth for good measure??
This was taken at that New Years party. I'm not sure why I'm holding my heart. Pledging allegiance? Or maybe it's something a lot more symbolic. ... Or maybe it's the whiskey shots.
thenextfish and tiff ask:
Ohhh, I so want to see a picture of Leo: drunk or sober, naked or clothed I really don't mind. So very curious.
I guess a picture of the ex is out of the question huh?
I'd like to request a compromising photo of Leo. While still fully clothed, as I still read you at work.
So@24: Ask you and you shall receive, Fishy & Tiffy. Here you are.
Leo: Why do they keep assuming you have naked pictures of me dude? ...Dude?
This was taken from the New Years party too. As you can see, I pulled out the bad ass air guitar. Leo is pointing to our loyal fans. And Jack is... I guess... pointing to me. I'm sure the song was "Say It Aint So". That's my only explanation for this.
Leo and I at some random party in Hollywood. I never wear shirts like the one photographed here, but it's that Ben Sherman shirt I talked about here.
This is the only photograph I have of Lynn that I can get access to. I tried to find one of her and I, but they are stored on my old hamster-wheel-operated desktop. I blogged about this picture here.
Angela asks:
I just want to see Leo and you in your most inebriated/classy pic.
So@24: This should do it. You can't really tell, but that hill was really steep.
-dusts hands-
There you have it! Another successful (?) edition of Fireside Friday.It was a long one, but I thank everyone again who contributed. If you actually sat and read the whole thing, I'm impressed.
XOXO,
So@24