Over the weekend my roommate Leo just informed me he is gallivanting with his father in Paris for 3 weeks (dope) and that he is subletting his bedroom to our friend Shane (not so dope). The problem with this is... Shane has a new girlfriend, Michelle. A girlfriend who happens to be a good friend of mine. They both happen to be good friends of mine. And I happen to have a particular problem with listening to people having sex.
Let me tell you what it's like to be single and to have your bedroom sandwiched between two other rooms in which those who reside in these rooms:
a. has a long-term girlfriend
b. gets a fair amount of ass (tail, skin, vag-ay-gi, etc)
Nothing makes you come to the realization that you aren't having sex more than hearing your drunken roommate open the front door for his 4:34 am booty call (his second booty call, in two nights). Or on the other side of the wall, your other roommate giving the business to his very reserved girlfriend. I can't tell you how many times Tylenol PM has saved me from sleepless, sleepless nights. Surround sound sex. And me. Staring at my ceiling. In the fetal position.
Now my roommate with the girlfriend isn't so bad. He usually stays at her place. And Leo pulls his fair share, but it's not consistent. But with Shane in the equation for 3 weeks... it's going to be a nonstop bone-fest going on only a few feet away.
Thanks for throwing me under the bus on this one, Leo.