Facts About Old Men and Women

Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction. 

Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?
A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.
 
Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?
A: She should tell him she's with child.
 
Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?
A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.
 
Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?
A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.
 
Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?
A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.
 
Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?
A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon
 
Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?
A: On top of their heads.
 
Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?
A: 'Gee, I have one of these.' 

Gotta love Holland...

Golddigger gets her just reward...

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Oh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!"

Italian Bread : The New Aphrodisiac

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking Around , the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Italian bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it.   Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this crap but me."