Nurse Texts

Hey you! Are you in town?? When do I get to see you? ;)
- sent via cell phone at 11:34 pm.

Oh God. It's the Nurse. How did she know I was back??

I'll most certainly run into her if I hang out with my Portland friends. I don't want to deal with having to give her the brush off. Or just the general awkwardness.

Blah. Am I making this too big of a deal? I mean, it's not like I slept with her or did anything worse than what middle schoolers do during free period.

I really wanted to text her back, "I hear you prefer minors", but alas... I didn't have the balls.

The Downside of a Black Out Make Out

Well, we already know ONE of the reasons...

But try this new one on for size:

Mimi: I have to tell you about The Nurse this weekend.
So@24: Oh? Yes, how is "my woman" doing these days?
Mimi: God she's an idiot.
So@24: Goddammit. I knew it. I'm so ashamed.
Mimi: This Saturday takes the cake.
So@24: But I'm excited for this story... tell me, tell me!
Mimi: Nurse makes out with Kevin.
So@24: Kevin? Kevin? Why does that name sound familiar?
Mimi: I'll give you a moment to think about it.
So@24: Kevin. Kevin. No way. No. Way. Your little sister's friend!?
Mimi: He's in HIGH SCHOOL!
So@24: Oh GOD!
Mimi: I go up to her and I'm like, "Dude! He's 17!" and she's like "Serious? Realllllly?" in a stoner's voice. And then keeps making out with him! I just look at her blankly, turn around and shake my head in disgust.
So@24: This is humiliating. What was I thinking!?
Mimi: Who cares, you were blacked out. It happens man.
So@24: Guh.

I've certainly failed at my first "conquest" since being single. Maybe everyone has to go through something like this? Make out with someone you're completely ashamed about...

Come on, Single Gods, I've paid my dues. Please?

I Judge You Off Your MySpace

It was inevitable. Saturday morning, The Nurse added me on MySpace.

Remember, I haven't seen this girl without a large about of liquor sloshing around in my belly. If we DID talk, I don't remember anything I said. Anything she said. I don't even really remember what she looks like... I've never seen her in natural light, the most I've seen is under the dark haze of bar lighting.

She might as well be a complete stranger. Ahhhh, the beauty of the serious black out.

I was interested to see what she looked like and, let's be honest, judge the shit out of her based on her MySpace page.

-sigh-

Let's begin:

Pictures: She's not something out of Lord of the Rings (Thank God), but she isn't stunning. I definitely wouldn't have done anything with her if I wasn't intoxicated. I've been told I'm picky. Definitely not anything to write home about. If I were to judge her on the ol' 1 - 10 scale, she'd be a 5.5.

The worst part is... she does "MySpace pictures". You know what I'm talking about. Standing in front of the mirror, looking slightly away from the camera going for that mysterious/pensive look. She has an entire album dedicated to it. Fuck me.

General Layout: Her display name is something like, Sunshinebabysparkles84. Her page takes about 20 years to load because she has so much sparkly pictures that says shit like, "Feel safe at night, sleep with a nurse" and "Fuck the system" it makes me want to castrate myself. She has a part that says "Your Exotic Dancer Name Is". Who does that!?

And she has tons of "punky" pictures of skulls. I think skulls died out with black light capability posters, 8 balls, alien heads, and peace symbols.

Her "About Me": It starts off like a 12 year old's essay "So you wanna know about me huh!?!?!?!?!" I'll spare you the rest. Trust me, you don't want to know.

Music: She gets points for having Flogging Molly as her song.


-dusts hands-

There you have it. Am I an asshole for being so harsh? Perhaps. Am I completely lame for judging this girl based solely off my experience visiting her MySpace? Probably, but at least I can accept that.

I don't think there will be a second rendezvous during the Christmas break.

Back in the Motherland Pt. 1: Sloppy Seconds

There's something funny about airports. It's a very "lovey" place. All around you people are embracing, holding hands, couples are kissing "hello" and kissing "goodbye". I used to be one of these.

Hmm.

I adjusted the weight from my shoulder strap and walked around a teary eyed girl watching her boyfriend head past security. "Get the fuck out of my way", went my inner monologue.

Ahhh Portland. Home sweet home. Stepping into my friends' apartment, a glass duck with amber liquid swishing around was shoved in my face.

So@24: What is this? -sniff- Black Velvet??
A nod and a shit eating grin was my friend Roger's response.

I missed these guys; they keep things simple. Some shots, showed me a little bit of their new PS3 and off to the Boiler Room for karaoke night. You really can't find a better combination to make my night.

The Portland scene is one of my favorites (a close second to Seattle). Down to earth Northwesterners is a refreshing pace from wannabe starlets. Ales were downed, shots taken, and I sang a beautiful rendition (if I do say so myself) of Asia's "Heat of the Moment" into a beer soaked microphone.

At one point of the night, I started chatting it up with a cute nursing student. She had her auburn hair pulled up in a thick ponytail, a faint spatter of freckles and a single dimple when she smiled (nice!). I'm not quite sure how I got to talking with her or what we were discussing (hmmm... the effects of alcohol...), but I got a good vibe and thought things were going pretty well.

However, later in the evening, she had her arms wrapped around my other friend Rich's waist while he lazily sipped his Drop Top.

Goddammit!

He didn't seem too interested in her; his eyes were wandering the bar and she was trying to flirt by whispering in his ear. Once she left his side to grab another cocktail, I approached ol' Richy.

So@24: What's your deal man? How come you're giving her the cold shoulder. Don't you think she's cute?
Rich: Meh. I've already had her.
So@24: What!?
Rich: Yeah. Like... twice. -takes long sip-

You bastard. Doesn't even appreciate it! Well, I spent the last 20 mins trying to charm the pants off my friend's boning buddy.

Oh well. Still got a few more days to make my mark on Portland and then it's up to Seattle!