Looking Toward the Future

Apparently my post yesterday caught the attention of both my roommate and my cousin. They had a few things to say to me this morning:

Leo: Do you wonder if you'll ever have it better?
So@24: I'm not following.
Leo: Putting aside my own personal thoughts on the matter, I'm asking you if you're ever hit with the thought that you might not find a better girl... a girl you find more attractive -- physically, mentally, socially, etc. Do you ever wonder if you'll find someone better or do you doubt that you ever wil?
So@24: Hahaha, I think about that all the time. And it scares to me, to be honest.
Leo: Let me tell you that you're not alone. I think everyone, literally everyone has those thoughts after breaking up with a long-term significant other. It's especially strong in your case because, for the most part, you guys grew up together. You shaped each other's mannerisms, personalities, etc. Truth is, thankfully, that space away from someone gives you time to sort of come to grips with yourself -- and I think you'll realize soon that you have nothing to worry about. There will be another and she'll be better.
So@24: What's bringing this all of a sudden? This is coming out of nowhere!
Leo: Sometimes you get drunk and say shit that leads me to believe you're still beating yourself up about it. I just wanted to let you know my thoughts.
So@24: Fuck. I don't remember saying anything like that in a long time. I usually keep that shit to myself.
I think about it sometimes, but I don't dwell on it. If that makes any sense. The thing I miss most is her friendship; you know that humor was a big deal to me. And parts of me think, "Man, if only these stupid little things were different, it would have made all the difference."
Leo: This is called living and learning.
Nostalgia is a way of looking back, painting over the bad bits, and selling it for more than it's worth. Trust me on this one, there will be another. Probably several. If you don't believe m, just consider the numbers.
So@24: The numbers?
Leo: Number of girls in our age bracket multiplied by the percentage you'd deem attractive. Say one girl in 50 hot girls finds you engaging and interesting... you're still dealing with millions. But it takes time to extricate yourself from that post-breakup nostalgia
So@24: You have to admit I'm much better than I was even a few months ago.
Leo: Buy me a beer when it happens.
So@24: I'll buy us both a beer. And perhaps the new bird. Under my arm. Chugging with us.
Leo: Exactly. Methinks you're getting it.
So@24: Perhaps dude, perhaps.
Leo: It's true. There are girls who will love to lay around and watch reruns of Quantum Leap or the A-Team, but who ALSO love to go out in a ruffle skirt and get wasted, then come home and have lots of drunk sex
So@24: Big money! Big money! Big money!

Mimi: I can't wait until you have a new girlfriend
So@24: Why!?
Mimi: Cause you'll be a better boyfriend.
So@24: Ouch.
Mimi: You weren't a bad boyfriend when you were with just me and her. But then again, you never said "I love you" which is weird.
So@24: Hmmmm, yeah I'm not quite sure where I picked that one up.
Mimi: Were you insecure with her?
So@24: Kind of. Not until the end of college. Remember when I was huge insomniac? Didn't go to bed until 5:00 watching Nick@Nite and then going to my 8:30s?
Mimi: Yeah. That was weird.
So@24: I mean, I knew she cared about me a lot. But deep down, I was scared that once I graduated and moved down here, it would be too much. Which was dumb, because me not telling her these things contributed to it. Chicken and the egg kind of ordeal. When did this get fucking serious??
Mimi: You aren't alone. A lot of people think that. Yeah and this is getting way too serious for my tastes. You're gay.