Back in the Motherland Pt. 5: Thanksgiving Line of Questioning

This conversation is very similar to something that happened to me long ago. Families are awkward: everyone knows that. But knocking up the awkwardness to a new level is getting grilled by relatives that you barely know.

Take my grandma's older sister for example. I'm not quite sure what her title is to me, but all you need to know is that I don't know her very well. I'll see her at random Christmases and Thanksgivings, share a hug and then quickly get back to nursing my mimosa before she can strike up a conversation with me. She's getting up in the years now, so her memory isn't quite what it used to be.

It's Thanksgiving. We're at a house and while some members of the family are bustling in the kitchen a few of us are gathered in the living room visiting.

I'm on the couch with my brother and his girlfriend. My grandma's older sister begins to ask them the usual line of questions: how long they've been together, how they met, blah blah blah.

I know exactly where this is going and I shift uncomfortable in the couch cushions. My beer is almost gone. Shit. I don't have time to get a new one before...

Grandma's Older Sister: Well what about you, So@24? Didn't you have a girlfriend? I remember you had a girlfriend last time I saw you. Yes, you did.
So@24: -awkwardly scratches back of head- Uh, yes I did. We're not together anymore.
Grandma's Older Sister: She was so cute, I remember! She had that gorgeous hair. Brunette right?
So@24: -starts to fumble/peel off label on bottle- Yep. She's a brunette.
Grandma's Older Sister: That's really too bad. How could she break up with you? You're such a nice boy.
So@24: -nervous chuckle- I... uh... yeah.
Grandma's Older Sister: Well I guess the question is, when are you going to get married?
So@24: -adjusts collar of festive sweater- I'll probably need to get a girlfriend first before I start going down that route.
Grandma's Older Sister: There's someone right out there for you. Keep looking.
So@24: -nervous chuckle part deux- Absolutely. -cough- I think I'm going to tackle the rest of that cheese ball. Any one else want to join?


Did I really just get asked when I was going to get married?? When did I reach that point in my life where someone finally thought it was an okay thing to say? Doesn't that line of question only happen to women?? That's supposed to be one of the perks of being male!

I have been really weirded out by that conversation all day.