How Singles Celebrate 4th of July

Jenny: I know the best remedy for you. Move in with me for the weekend! Copious amounts of alcohol? Done. Busty, blonde girls running around the beach in red, white, and blue, what-can-barely-be-considered bikinis, celebrating America's independance? Done.
Jenny: Are you coming already?
So@24: I'm packing my bag.

I Love My Friends Pt. 7

"I heard the last time you had sex was October 2006..."

- via text message from Tina, an old college friend
Thu, May 1st @ 8:03pm

I Love My Friends Pt. 6

Jack: I hope ridiculous things happen to you all weekend if only so I'll have something to read about at work. Seriously, if I had the money, I'd hire call girls to act our elaborate scripts in your life a la' Cableguy.

I Love My Friends Pt. 5

So@24: You're dead for skipping out on lunch again
Veronica: I know. I owe you. Big time. I'll try to find a short busty blonde with a penchant for guzzling cheap beer for you.


----------------
Now jamming to: John Denver - Take Me Home Country Roads

I Love My Friends Pt. 4

Leo: Dude Janice has been up in your grill

So@24: No shit! I have not responded to any of her MySpace posts or to her texts and she has gotten pretty pissed about it

"why dont you respond to anything anymore??"

Leo: "cause most likely you're a psychotic bitch lurking underneath an alluring visage of large breasts and coy looks"

So@24: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

I Love My Friends Pt. 3

"Apparently your maturation process in regards to engaging women romantically stopped 6 years ago."
- Leo

I Love My Friends Pt. 2

You'll probably hear a lot from my friend Leslie. She's fucking hysterical. This is her insight from the previous night:

Leslie: man i can't believe you didn't bag her.
i shacked it up all weekend. it was AMAZING.
So@24: Dude! It's not as easy as people think!
Leslie: yes.
it.
is.
Leslie: i do it every weekend. i shacked it up all weekend. it was AMAZING.
So@24: HOW!? HOW DO YOU DO IT!?
Leslie: i talk to them. and ask if they want to continue to hang out.
Leslie: "do you want to come over for a drink?" it's a question. done and done.
So@24: So you go back. You have a drink. Then what?
Leslie: have you ever initiated a kiss?
you initiate the first kiss
you hold a hand first.
brush up against the leg or arm
go in for a kiss
done and done.
So@24: Yeah... I initiated a kiss once if you remember. I pulled on the loops of her jeans.*
Leslie: NO. NO. NO. you're not in high school anymore. in big people world, you need to be more cool.
So@24: I MISSED OUT IN COLLEGE!
Leslie: well dude you're 24...learn!
i like the thigh touch
a little brush up on the thigh
that sounds awkward, but it works
and it's all about the eye fucking
you MUST eye fuck.
So@24: I think Im too shy to eye fuck
Leslie: don't! eye fucking is fun
So@24: I'd get embarrassed!
Leslie: man. there's a lot you need to learn
Leslie: i sent you a song. listen carefullyespecially to the chorus.


enjoy. this song should be playing in your head when you're out. it will help :)

So@24: This is hilarious! HAHAHA!
Leslie: this is THE song that goes through my head when i'm out
So@24: Are you serious, Leslie!? I would feel like such a cheese dick!
Leslie: for some reason, when this song is in my head, it gives me confidence. it's gross

* my first kiss with Lynn is actually a really funny story, perhaps I'll post that at some point

I Love My Friends Pt. 1

A new section has been created. Quotes, dialogues, commentary, and insight from my friends on my conquests.

Kelly: ever heard of bebo?
me: The birth control?
Kelly: No.....
a social networking site
bebo birth control? where have I been?
me: Oh. Maybe that's depo.
Kelly: yeah.... depo. And way to know your birth controls! When you finally get laid again you will be prepared!!