Friday, June 29, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
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Monday, June 25, 2007
How to Break Up with Someone You Aren't Dating
I'm really starting to come to a boiling point with Janice. I can't handle this having-a-girlfriend-relationship when I haven't even DONE anything with this girl. I haven't slept with her, I haven't kissed her, I haven't even had an awkward hand-holding experience with her.
So what the fuck!?
All weekend, I've been receiving calls from Janice. When I don't answer, I get a text literally SECONDS later asking, "Are you mad at me? Why are you ignoring me?" When I do answer, she calls just to gab about her job and to ask me what I'm up to, etc. Pointless. Meaningless stuff. If I actually enjoyed her company for more than 3 mins, I wouldn't be complaining. But I'm at the point where I need to just lay it on the line. Rip a couple shots on a random night, hold her hands in her lap, look at her in the eye and say:
"Look. Are we going to hook up or what? I already have enough girl-friends. I can't spend another sober minute with you without wanting to shove a melon-baller in my eye. But you are very attractive and I'd love to stick my penis in your vagina. I think I've paid my dues. So, you're either in or you're out."
I think that a girl would actually appreciate that honesty. Janice called me on Sunday afternoon asking me if I wanted to have drinks with her. She called me for drinks at 3:30 on a Sunday. For some, that would seem like a sign that this girl is definitely down... but I can see our good friend Janice playing the ignorance card.
That is, if I thought for a second she knew what "ignorance" meant.
How do I get out of this? How do I break up with Janice?? How do you break up with a girl who you aren't even remotely close to dating??
So what the fuck!?
All weekend, I've been receiving calls from Janice. When I don't answer, I get a text literally SECONDS later asking, "Are you mad at me? Why are you ignoring me?" When I do answer, she calls just to gab about her job and to ask me what I'm up to, etc. Pointless. Meaningless stuff. If I actually enjoyed her company for more than 3 mins, I wouldn't be complaining. But I'm at the point where I need to just lay it on the line. Rip a couple shots on a random night, hold her hands in her lap, look at her in the eye and say:
"Look. Are we going to hook up or what? I already have enough girl-friends. I can't spend another sober minute with you without wanting to shove a melon-baller in my eye. But you are very attractive and I'd love to stick my penis in your vagina. I think I've paid my dues. So, you're either in or you're out."
I think that a girl would actually appreciate that honesty. Janice called me on Sunday afternoon asking me if I wanted to have drinks with her. She called me for drinks at 3:30 on a Sunday. For some, that would seem like a sign that this girl is definitely down... but I can see our good friend Janice playing the ignorance card.
That is, if I thought for a second she knew what "ignorance" meant.
How do I get out of this? How do I break up with Janice?? How do you break up with a girl who you aren't even remotely close to dating??
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Sunday, June 24, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Chicken/Fowl Tease
I've figured Janice out. Actually, wait... that's like me proclaiming that I've deciphered the hieroglyphics of the ancient Egyptians. However, I do think I'm onto her little game.
1. She's a lone-aphob. Janice hates to be alone.
2. She's a huge flirt that doesn't have any intention to do anything more
3. She uses the possibility of sex to get me to hang out
4. Although she definitely isn't the brightest crayola in the box, she certainly knows how to manipulate. She loves playing damsel in distress.
On my way to work, I'm on the phone with a good friend of mine and Janice calls me 3 times during the conversation. I finally call her back and she says (in a giggle), "Don't ignore my phone calls!"
-pinches bridge of nose-
Whatever. She informs me that she needs to attend this seminar for work on Saturday morning and wants to know if I can go with her. I absolutely do not wish to attend a seminar. With Janice. At 9:00 in the morning. I swore I would not hang out with her again unless there alcohol was involved. I apologize. Tell her I'll take a raincheck and that I'll talk to her once I get into the office.
Janice: So can you go with me??
So@24: No. I told you before I can't.
Janice: mannnnn
So@24: sorry bra
Janice: its ok :-(
Janice: you could have totally stayed over for a sleepover
Janice: my roomies gone so it woulda been even cooler cause we have the whole place
Janice: and could watch movies
So@24: Sure... "watch movies"
Janice: i mean have crazy sex
Janice: sorry
So@24: ...
So@24: Where is your roommate at
Janice: sd
Janice: with her boy
So@24: all weekend?
Janice: ya
Chances are, Janice is completely joking about having "crazy sex". But it's still a mind fuck when a girl is suggesting a movie night with the emphasis of her roommate being out of town. Am I wrong?
If my hunch is correct, Janice is trying to make me the Mayor of Friendville and I'm going to decline the nomination.
Condom Conundrum
How does your average, single guy prepare for a night out? I mean, like what if I wanted to "pack heat" for the night? e.g. a condom.
From what I remember from sex ed, you're not supposed to keep your condom in your wallet, right? So how do people prepare for the occasion? Do you just put it in your pocket before you go out and than re shelve it if nothing happens?
And what does the girl think if you actually DID bring one? Is she offended that you had the inclination to bring one because "it was a sure thing" or is she impressed that you planned ahead of time?
I know you're supposed to learn these little lessons before you are 24 years old, but I guess that's what happens when you've only dated 1 girl during the height of your dating age.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Unconscious Thoughts
At 8:45 this morning, an old lady made the decision to take a left turn on an unprotected green light.
Everything went into slow motion and the first thoughts in my head were "I am going to totally tbone this car. There's absolutely nothing I can do."
After my car spun around the intersection, the dust settled from both of my airbags being deployed, and I stared blankly ahead in a daze... my next thoughts were:
"What if I died just now? And I never got to see or speak to Lynn ever again?"
Everything went into slow motion and the first thoughts in my head were "I am going to totally tbone this car. There's absolutely nothing I can do."
After my car spun around the intersection, the dust settled from both of my airbags being deployed, and I stared blankly ahead in a daze... my next thoughts were:
"What if I died just now? And I never got to see or speak to Lynn ever again?"
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
No Way... Pt. 3
This conversation took place immediately after Pt. 2
Am I dating this girl? Is she for real? What have I gotten myself into...
Janice: i miss my buddy... :(
So@24: well... let's talk about it
Janice: okkkk
So@24: wanna start?
Janice: im sorry. it was stupid. im over it
So@24: alright cool
So@24: thanks for the apology, i appreciate it
Janice: but you told me i was crazy and you hung up on me and youre not even going to apologize?
So@24: Janice... you were blowing up on me.
Janice: ahhhh
Janice: ok
Janice: i see how this is gonna work
So@24: How is that?
Janice: because we both think we were right, granted the whole thing was stupid
Janice: and i put aside my pride and apologized
So@24: And I appreciate that, but you don't apologize to someone just to expect one back. I didnt do anything wrong yesterday.
Janice: fine.
So@24: Great.
Janice: i just want my bff back
Janice: what are you doing this weekend?
So@24: I can't believe you're going into work tomorrow
Janice: aandddd youre comin too!!!
Janice: :-) :-)
Janice: it'll be a little fieldtrip!!!
Janice: you gotta
Janice: it'll be fun
Janice: yup, you'll have to stay over tonight
Janice: sleep overrr!!!!
For the record, I actually did not go over for a "sleep over". But yes, I did meet her for lunch the next morning. Leo gave me shit for it (as he should have), but I blew the dust off a pack of contraceptives and gave a thumbs up as I strolled down my porch steps.
But a sober lunch date is not a fun lunch date. I had forgotten how annoying her high pitch voice is or how she says the stupidest exclamations, questions, sentences, fragments I've ever heard spew a person's noise hole. I immediately knew that if I were going to survive the conversation alone, I was going to need the help of my good buddy alcohol. Before our server could even introduce himself, I asked what beer they had on tap.
Server: Would you like the regular or tal--
Me: Tall glass. Please.
Just as I had anticipated, her boring anecdotes began to transform into "slightly amusing". And, no matter how much she makes me want to shove butter knifes into my eye sockets, she is pretty fucking cute. And her rack isn't something to turn your nose to either.
But she wasn't drinking (a Diet Coke, of course). And I didn't want to get stuck in a situation where I would not be able to drive home. And there is absolutely no way I could have made a move to initiate while sober. I stopped myself after a single tall glass of Bud Light. Paid the tab. Gave her a hug and made the drive back. She texted me later thanking me for lunch.
Perhaps there is a still an opportunity to prove to myself I don't belong in a monastery. I just hope there's enough booze in the abbey when that time comes.
Am I dating this girl? Is she for real? What have I gotten myself into...
Janice: i miss my buddy... :(
So@24: well... let's talk about it
Janice: okkkk
So@24: wanna start?
Janice: im sorry. it was stupid. im over it
So@24: alright cool
So@24: thanks for the apology, i appreciate it
Janice: but you told me i was crazy and you hung up on me and youre not even going to apologize?
So@24: Janice... you were blowing up on me.
Janice: ahhhh
Janice: ok
Janice: i see how this is gonna work
So@24: How is that?
Janice: because we both think we were right, granted the whole thing was stupid
Janice: and i put aside my pride and apologized
So@24: And I appreciate that, but you don't apologize to someone just to expect one back. I didnt do anything wrong yesterday.
Janice: fine.
So@24: Great.
Janice: i just want my bff back
Janice: what are you doing this weekend?
So@24: I can't believe you're going into work tomorrow
Janice: aandddd youre comin too!!!
Janice: :-) :-)
Janice: it'll be a little fieldtrip!!!
Janice: you gotta
Janice: it'll be fun
Janice: yup, you'll have to stay over tonight
Janice: sleep overrr!!!!
For the record, I actually did not go over for a "sleep over". But yes, I did meet her for lunch the next morning. Leo gave me shit for it (as he should have), but I blew the dust off a pack of contraceptives and gave a thumbs up as I strolled down my porch steps.
But a sober lunch date is not a fun lunch date. I had forgotten how annoying her high pitch voice is or how she says the stupidest exclamations, questions, sentences, fragments I've ever heard spew a person's noise hole. I immediately knew that if I were going to survive the conversation alone, I was going to need the help of my good buddy alcohol. Before our server could even introduce himself, I asked what beer they had on tap.
Server: Would you like the regular or tal--
Me: Tall glass. Please.
Just as I had anticipated, her boring anecdotes began to transform into "slightly amusing". And, no matter how much she makes me want to shove butter knifes into my eye sockets, she is pretty fucking cute. And her rack isn't something to turn your nose to either.
But she wasn't drinking (a Diet Coke, of course). And I didn't want to get stuck in a situation where I would not be able to drive home. And there is absolutely no way I could have made a move to initiate while sober. I stopped myself after a single tall glass of Bud Light. Paid the tab. Gave her a hug and made the drive back. She texted me later thanking me for lunch.
Perhaps there is a still an opportunity to prove to myself I don't belong in a monastery. I just hope there's enough booze in the abbey when that time comes.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Sandwich from Hell
Over the weekend my roommate Leo just informed me he is gallivanting with his father in Paris for 3 weeks (dope) and that he is subletting his bedroom to our friend Shane (not so dope). The problem with this is... Shane has a new girlfriend, Michelle. A girlfriend who happens to be a good friend of mine. They both happen to be good friends of mine. And I happen to have a particular problem with listening to people having sex.
Let me tell you what it's like to be single and to have your bedroom sandwiched between two other rooms in which those who reside in these rooms:
a. has a long-term girlfriend
b. gets a fair amount of ass (tail, skin, vag-ay-gi, etc)
Nothing makes you come to the realization that you aren't having sex more than hearing your drunken roommate open the front door for his 4:34 am booty call (his second booty call, in two nights). Or on the other side of the wall, your other roommate giving the business to his very reserved girlfriend. I can't tell you how many times Tylenol PM has saved me from sleepless, sleepless nights. Surround sound sex. And me. Staring at my ceiling. In the fetal position.
Now my roommate with the girlfriend isn't so bad. He usually stays at her place. And Leo pulls his fair share, but it's not consistent. But with Shane in the equation for 3 weeks... it's going to be a nonstop bone-fest going on only a few feet away.
Thanks for throwing me under the bus on this one, Leo.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
No Way... Pt. 2
As expected, I get an IM from Janice this morning. Three cheers for cutting and pasting! Enjoy.
Janice: are you serious? what happened last night
So@24: um. you totally flipped out?
Janice: um i was kidding. honestly. i was laughing
So@24: You sounded completely serious
Janice: i was laughing!
So@24: And I asked if you were serious
So@24: I was not getting that vibe whatsoever
So@24: Why didnt you call back then?
Janice: cause im stubborn
So@24: Thats nice.
Janice: and you were being all weird and hung up on me which made me mad.
Janice: i was joking like...
Janice: i was serious about being like where the hell are you
Janice: but totally jokin
So@24: Sorry, but I joke all the time and I didnt get that vibe from you
So@24: Im glad that's the case and you're not a complete nutjob
So@24: You were ripping into me about taking a shower?
So@24: And when I asked if you were being serious... you said "yes". What am I supposed to think?
Janice: i was just like where the hell are you!
Janice: it was a joke
Janice: i mean i was serious about the where the hell are you part
Janice: and yes i am crazy
Janice: :)
So@24: You should have called back then. No need to be stubborn about something like that
Janice: you shouldnt have hung up on me
So@24: You were being completely outrageous
So@24: I even said, "If this is a joke, you got me. But if you're serious..."
Janice: ughhhhh
Janice: i mean i was a little serious about you having to take a shower to come over....but at the same time totally joking
So@24: Okay well... I guess miscommunication. Because you know me... I joke around quite a bit and my friends always do. And I'm being completely honest when Im saying I didnt get that vibe from you
So@24: And for the record, I didnt take a shower BECAUSE I was going to go over. I took a shower, because I always take a shower at night regardless of what Im doing.
Janice: hahaha
Janice: i know you didnt take a shower for me
Janice: It just took a really long time and I was like what the hell is he doing!
Janice: i was being just like "where the hell are you" hahah
Janice: funny kinda thing
Janice: like damn youre taking forever!
So@24: It was only 9
Janice: i got home at 7:00!
Janice: it was 2 hours is all
Janice: i dont care that you shower!
Janice: i was just confused, you made it sound like you were headin right over. so thats how i took it
So@24: Okay well... can you see from my point of view?
So@24: Im surprised that you were so upset about me coming over later than expected... especially coming from someone who has constantly made plans to hang out during the weekend and never called or answered her phone. Right?
Janice: no
Janice: this isnt about me
Janice: its about you
Janice: i take soooo much shit from you!
Janice: all the time about not hanging out!
So@24: No shit!
So@24: Because you always make plans with me and then break them. CONSTANTLY
Janice: THIS ISNT ABOUT ME! stop turning it on me
So@24: And then when you ask me to drive out to your house... you freak the fuck out
Janice: take responsibility
So@24: HAHAHA
Janice: whatever im done
So@24: Are you joking now? Same joking as last night eh?
So@24: You're crazy
Janice: wow
Janice: ok
So@24: Later
This girl is insane. Completely insane. Notice how we're fighting as though we're dating?
"I'm out"
PS. Props to my roomie Leo for the chart. I'm discovering that it's terrifyingly accurate.
No Way...
A story that happened to me last night reminds me why I created this blog in the first place.
As I am driving home in thick, Los Angeles traffic, I hear "8 Days A Week" play from my cell. It's a completely unexpected call... Janice. She asks what my plans are for tonight and I tell her the only thing I promised myself I'd cook my lunches for the rest of the week. She then proceeds to kick it up a notch by saying:
"You should come over tonight."
Whoa. Alright. Sweet. I can do that. She gives me her address and I tell her I'll give her a call when I'm on my way.
I whip up a pasta and hop in the shower. Getting the water out of my ears with my towel, I pick up my cell phone. 4 missed calls: 8:26, 8:32, 8:38, 8:40. 2 texts: "I hate you" and "I'm going to bed." My first thoughts: what the fuck!?
Janice: Where the fuck are you?
So@24: What?
Janice: Where. the. fuck. are. you? I've been sitting here waiting for an hour.
So@24: I just got out of the shower. It's only 9.
Janice: Why the fuck did you shower?? I'm sitting here without makeup on in pajamas! Why
did you feel the need to get dolled up?
So@24: First off, I always take showers at nighttime regardless of what I'm doing. Second, are
you being serious right now? I'm driving out to see you in the Valley, aren't you
being a little selfish?
Janice: Oh hell no are you going to turn this around on me! I've been sitting here waiting for
you!
So@24: Wow. You're crazy. I'm out.
I turn off my phone and just crack up. There's no way that this just happened. No way. I return to the living room where my roommates are playing a rousing game of Risk. Leo threw me a crisp Natural Ice beer. This is like Alicia Silverstone in The Crush.
Wow.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I Love My Friends Pt. 1
A new section has been created. Quotes, dialogues, commentary, and insight from my friends on my conquests.
Kelly: ever heard of bebo?
me: The birth control?
Kelly: No.....
a social networking site
bebo birth control? where have I been?
me: Oh. Maybe that's depo.
Kelly: yeah.... depo. And way to know your birth controls! When you finally get laid again you will be prepared!!
Kelly: ever heard of bebo?
me: The birth control?
Kelly: No.....
a social networking site
bebo birth control? where have I been?
me: Oh. Maybe that's depo.
Kelly: yeah.... depo. And way to know your birth controls! When you finally get laid again you will be prepared!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Juice Worth the Squeeze?
Working in "the industry" as an assistant you are in constant contact with other assistants. It's like a little club. Everyone's doing the same thing... a slave to your boss, "rollin' calls", managing Outlook, making conference calls happen. After awhile, you start a certain rapport with your fellow assistants (at least the one's you're in constant contact with) and soon friendly non-work related banter emerges.
One assistant, Janice, who I talked to frequently was actually extremely friendly and dare I say it; she sounded hot. But how do you move forward from this point? I'm not proud of my next move, but I had no where else to turn. I checked to see if she had a MySpace. Thank God for the Hollywood Creative Directory, right? Fuck, I'm creepy. Turns out, it wasn't too bad of a deal. The girl's voice actually matched her looks (score!). After "adding" her, we joked about how lame MySpace is and she asked that I meet her and a friend out at The Beauty Bar in Hollywood.
I was pretty optimistic after our first encounter. We laughed about being Hollywood assistants, pounded numerous alcoholic beverages and fist pounded to your classic, cliche'd Journey bar songs while we hit the dance floor. The vibe I was getting was so good, I spent the most money I've ever spent at a bar before. Mission accomplished after that evening. I stumbled into my roommate's bedroom howling that I had met an amazing girl.
And then... something changed.
For the next few weeks, consistently posted "cute", flirtatious comments on my MySpace (again, I'm aware how lame it is to use MySpace as any kind of indicator of how someone feels about you). We made plans to hang out on the weekends, most times initiated by her, and each time she would bail. Not answer her phone. Not answer her texts. And then come up with really pathetic excuses the following Monday morning.
Needless to say, my interests begin to fade fairly quickly and the attention I gave her took a dramatic drop. But we'd still chat over AIM and over my short amount of time with Janice, I've learned that there was a reason why this wasn't ever going to work into something more...
Right.
One assistant, Janice, who I talked to frequently was actually extremely friendly and dare I say it; she sounded hot. But how do you move forward from this point? I'm not proud of my next move, but I had no where else to turn. I checked to see if she had a MySpace. Thank God for the Hollywood Creative Directory, right? Fuck, I'm creepy. Turns out, it wasn't too bad of a deal. The girl's voice actually matched her looks (score!). After "adding" her, we joked about how lame MySpace is and she asked that I meet her and a friend out at The Beauty Bar in Hollywood.
I was pretty optimistic after our first encounter. We laughed about being Hollywood assistants, pounded numerous alcoholic beverages and fist pounded to your classic, cliche'd Journey bar songs while we hit the dance floor. The vibe I was getting was so good, I spent the most money I've ever spent at a bar before. Mission accomplished after that evening. I stumbled into my roommate's bedroom howling that I had met an amazing girl.
And then... something changed.
For the next few weeks, consistently posted "cute", flirtatious comments on my MySpace (again, I'm aware how lame it is to use MySpace as any kind of indicator of how someone feels about you). We made plans to hang out on the weekends, most times initiated by her, and each time she would bail. Not answer her phone. Not answer her texts. And then come up with really pathetic excuses the following Monday morning.
Needless to say, my interests begin to fade fairly quickly and the attention I gave her took a dramatic drop. But we'd still chat over AIM and over my short amount of time with Janice, I've learned that there was a reason why this wasn't ever going to work into something more...
- Her Past
For reasons I'm still unsure of, Janice started to tell me about her "unique" past. How in high school, she dated a guy for 3 years who happened to be a Jehovah's Witness. His family disowned him and he moved in with Janice and her family. He was a family member for 3 years! She then told me she was home schooled a couple of years because she was "depressed". After high school, she broke up with her boyfriend and went to college. Dropped after a year. Never completed college. - She has been dating someone??
She casually mentioned that she has been "kind of" dating a guy. If I was her boyfriend and I saw the shit she was saying to me... I'd be livid. But this can be explained on the next point... - Her views on guys/dating
Janice admitted that she has left a trail of heartache with her past relationships. I believe our conversation was like this:
Janice: I hate to be alone, so I always want commitment from the guy I'm dating. But I like to be able to keep my options open
So@24: Let me get this straight. You want your boyfriends to be completely loyal to you, but you want the ability to do whatever you want if something else that intrigues you comes around?
Janice: lol! I know! I know! I'm horrible huh?
So@24: Yes actually! You are a horrible person!
Janice: lol! - Her political/religious beliefs
She's claims to be very religious and leans more toward the conservative side. Oy vey. Janice is quoted to say, "But I don't like to debate it with people since I don't really know all the facts." That's actually pretty impressive. Not a lot of republicans I know can admit that. - She has asked me how to spell the following words. I've actually kept track at this point: "whether", "cause", "rights". She also can not differentiate there/their, your/you're,
Right.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Taken from the Archives Pt. 1
I kept a short journal around the first couple of weeks after my breakup with Lynn. It's interesting to me that even though where I'm at a better place now, I still occasionally find myself still the victim of these moments that I describe. This entry was written only a few weeks after the breakup:
Another long, long weekend. I learned that you don't know what hell is like until you wake up at 6:23 in the morning and can't fall back asleep because you keep thinking about your girlfriend kissing/holding/napping with another guy. And no matter how many times I try to force myself to think of something else, it always comes back around. A million questions, scenerios, and visuals are like poison. It's so hard to finally be able to fall asleep.
My friend Robert came down from Seattle to visit his girlfriend. I'm not terribly close with Robert, but we've had some great times in college. He's one of those friends you get a call from once every 3 months and the call doesn't last long, but it doesn't really need to. I hadn't told him about what had happened, but he never calls me when he comes down to LA when he visits his girlfriend Tracey, so I was more than surprised when he did so on Friday afternoon:
Saturday night came and I literally paced around the house all afternoon. My roommates were all gone and nothing is worse than being alone without distractions. After what seemed like an eternity, Robert picked me up a little after 9. I had called Robert earlier to see who all was coming: needless to say, I didn't want to be around another lovey couple all night + me. I was told we were going to a placed called The Cabana Club and that some of Tracey's friends were coming, but I had no idea what was in store.
We were all on "the guest list" but even then we waited in line for 30 mins. I had no idea this was a popular, cliche' LA club. Everyone is dressed to the 9s and they won't let you in unless you had a majority of girls with you. I am completely broke, but Robert was kind enough to float me my cover and drinks for the night. Tracey's friends show up and to my dismay it's another couple. My heart sinks. I'm going to be spending my Saturday night... at a trendy club... with two other couples.
The inside alone shows you why this place is popular. Spacious, with a pool in the middle (and a bridge over that). Walk down a hallway and you'll hit a separate HUGE room that is the dance floor. I pray that they don't dance. I wanted to be able to talk to Robert about my whole shitty situation, but it's too crowded and I don't want to bring it up with Tracey and her friends. The only time I can really fill him in is when him and I go and get drinks and that's not even sufficient over the music and the short time it takes to walk from the bar and then back.
Towards the end, Tracey grabs Robert and begs him to dance... so does Tracey's friend to her boyfriend. I give Robert the stare of death, but he keeps telling me to go. I politely shake my head and stand by myself shielding my embarrassment with text messaging friends pointless comments. I'm in disgust at all the women at the club. These aren't Lynn. I don't want to have to be forced to interact with these people. I want my girlfriend. I wonder what she is doing now and I find myself visualizing her at this very moment begging her new boyfriend to hit up the dance floor with her.
Finally, Robert and Co. come back from the floor and say they want to go home . I feel bad, because Robert paid for me to cheer me up, but it's only made things worse. On the ride back, Tracey tells me that she spent all last night moving... "where to I ask?". "Irvine" she replies. Figures. Lynn's town.
Robert follows me into the house to see if I am alright. It's finally a moment where I can talk to him, but it feels rushed and hurried since Tracey is in the car waiting. He just tells me the same thing everyone else does, "Chin up. If she loves you, she'll come back. You need to move on. If you need to talk to me, you can always call." And then he does something that no one else has done since this whole thing. He gives me a hug. And it's at that moment, I fight every urge to cry (and for those of you who know me, I am NOT a crier). It's only for about 5 seconds, but it's huge. He tells me again to "keep busy" and "no matter what I do, to not call her". I thank him and he leaves.
Another long, long weekend. I learned that you don't know what hell is like until you wake up at 6:23 in the morning and can't fall back asleep because you keep thinking about your girlfriend kissing/holding/napping with another guy. And no matter how many times I try to force myself to think of something else, it always comes back around. A million questions, scenerios, and visuals are like poison. It's so hard to finally be able to fall asleep.
My friend Robert came down from Seattle to visit his girlfriend. I'm not terribly close with Robert, but we've had some great times in college. He's one of those friends you get a call from once every 3 months and the call doesn't last long, but it doesn't really need to. I hadn't told him about what had happened, but he never calls me when he comes down to LA when he visits his girlfriend Tracey, so I was more than surprised when he did so on Friday afternoon:
Robert: Hey
So@24: Hey
Robert: How are you?
So@24: Not so well actually.
Robert: I heard.
So@24: Yeah.
Robert: Cancel whatever plans you have Saturday night. I'm picking you up at 8.
So@24: Wow. Uh. Okay, sure. That'd be great actually.
Robert: See you tomorrow
So@24: Hey
Robert: How are you?
So@24: Not so well actually.
Robert: I heard.
So@24: Yeah.
Robert: Cancel whatever plans you have Saturday night. I'm picking you up at 8.
So@24: Wow. Uh. Okay, sure. That'd be great actually.
Robert: See you tomorrow
Saturday night came and I literally paced around the house all afternoon. My roommates were all gone and nothing is worse than being alone without distractions. After what seemed like an eternity, Robert picked me up a little after 9. I had called Robert earlier to see who all was coming: needless to say, I didn't want to be around another lovey couple all night + me. I was told we were going to a placed called The Cabana Club and that some of Tracey's friends were coming, but I had no idea what was in store.
We were all on "the guest list" but even then we waited in line for 30 mins. I had no idea this was a popular, cliche' LA club. Everyone is dressed to the 9s and they won't let you in unless you had a majority of girls with you. I am completely broke, but Robert was kind enough to float me my cover and drinks for the night. Tracey's friends show up and to my dismay it's another couple. My heart sinks. I'm going to be spending my Saturday night... at a trendy club... with two other couples.
The inside alone shows you why this place is popular. Spacious, with a pool in the middle (and a bridge over that). Walk down a hallway and you'll hit a separate HUGE room that is the dance floor. I pray that they don't dance. I wanted to be able to talk to Robert about my whole shitty situation, but it's too crowded and I don't want to bring it up with Tracey and her friends. The only time I can really fill him in is when him and I go and get drinks and that's not even sufficient over the music and the short time it takes to walk from the bar and then back.
Towards the end, Tracey grabs Robert and begs him to dance... so does Tracey's friend to her boyfriend. I give Robert the stare of death, but he keeps telling me to go. I politely shake my head and stand by myself shielding my embarrassment with text messaging friends pointless comments. I'm in disgust at all the women at the club. These aren't Lynn. I don't want to have to be forced to interact with these people. I want my girlfriend. I wonder what she is doing now and I find myself visualizing her at this very moment begging her new boyfriend to hit up the dance floor with her.
Finally, Robert and Co. come back from the floor and say they want to go home . I feel bad, because Robert paid for me to cheer me up, but it's only made things worse. On the ride back, Tracey tells me that she spent all last night moving... "where to I ask?". "Irvine" she replies. Figures. Lynn's town.
Robert follows me into the house to see if I am alright. It's finally a moment where I can talk to him, but it feels rushed and hurried since Tracey is in the car waiting. He just tells me the same thing everyone else does, "Chin up. If she loves you, she'll come back. You need to move on. If you need to talk to me, you can always call." And then he does something that no one else has done since this whole thing. He gives me a hug. And it's at that moment, I fight every urge to cry (and for those of you who know me, I am NOT a crier). It's only for about 5 seconds, but it's huge. He tells me again to "keep busy" and "no matter what I do, to not call her". I thank him and he leaves.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The End of the Begining
I blame the classic John Cusack movies. I cursed them that day. The scene where the pathetic guy stays up all night trying not to cry, wondering if he should just get in the car and go fight for her. At six a.m., as the Southern California sun starts to rise, the loser finally gets up the nerve and drives an hour to her campus. Tracy Chapman's "The Promise" is probably playing on the fucking radio.
Yet there I was, staring at my own white knuckles as I sped down the 101, trying to figure out when I turned into a living, breathing cliché.
It was over. Oh, I knew it was over... deep in my gut’s brain. Kind of like when bees know their hive has been moved. Even so, I couldn’t help but speed towards her. Before I knew it, I was standing outside of her dorm, looking up at her window (Cusack would be so proud.)
I only had a few minutes before I had to get back on the road and face another work day. No time for pussyfooting; I needed to find my courage and knock on the door. Why was I so terrified of the girl I dated for six and a half years? And why was it taking her 20 years to answer the door? Holy shit, was she with another guy already? I pictured her shoving a tall (of course he would be fucking tall) shaggy-haired dude in boxers and sagging tube socks into a closet, frantically warning him not to make a sound.
I shook my head in hopes that I'd somehow physically shake the vision loose. Thoughts like that are deadly.
“Oh. Hi.” Lynn wiped the sleep from her eyes and motioned for me to come in.
I hated that I couldn’t just throw my arms around her. Instead, I felt like she wanted me as far from her as possible. I assumed an awkward part-sit/part-lean/part-stand position by her desk.
I cleared my throat and stammered, "Well, I guess there's no easy way to ask this... but... have you made a decision? About us?"
She flinched. "I told you I needed more time to think."
"How long am I supposed to just sit and wait? Do you have any idea what that does to someone?"
"I'm not sure what to say..." she spoke softly. I knew from that sentence that she didn’t need to say anything at all. I knew what she wanted. That’s what this crazy drive here was about, after all… to confirm what I already knew deep inside.
"Forget it, you've said enough." I could feel my cheeks flush. This was humiliating. The girl that sat across from me was a complete stranger. My heart was pounding in my chest. I had to get out of there.
“I probably should be taking off now.”
She nodded and didn’t look at me.
I swallowed hard and scratched my elbow; an act I do when I’m extremely uncomfortable. I stuffed my car keys in my pocket.
I was almost out the door when I had an overwhelming urge to not let go. As hurt as I was, I had to have just one more moment with her. “Am I allowed to hug you?” I asked.
She had done a good job not crying up until this point. Her bottom lip quivered briefly before it twisted into a sad frown and she answered my question by reaching out her arms and nodding. I’ll admit, I wasn’t able to hold back myself. My tears created a dark maroon blotch her shoulder of her ratty red tee-shirt.
My six year relationship was over.
Back in my car, making my way back to LA, I had a terrifying revelation: For the first time since I was 17, I was officially single. I chuckled in disbelief as I realized the shit of my situation... my last real "date" was taking a girl in braces to see that terrible Keanu Reeves movie, "The Watchman." (Remember it? Of course you don't.) So now I am 24 and have had one partner and one experience and zero clues about where to go from here.
Starting this whole thing over again… at 24. Son of a bitch.
Yet there I was, staring at my own white knuckles as I sped down the 101, trying to figure out when I turned into a living, breathing cliché.
It was over. Oh, I knew it was over... deep in my gut’s brain. Kind of like when bees know their hive has been moved. Even so, I couldn’t help but speed towards her. Before I knew it, I was standing outside of her dorm, looking up at her window (Cusack would be so proud.)
I only had a few minutes before I had to get back on the road and face another work day. No time for pussyfooting; I needed to find my courage and knock on the door. Why was I so terrified of the girl I dated for six and a half years? And why was it taking her 20 years to answer the door? Holy shit, was she with another guy already? I pictured her shoving a tall (of course he would be fucking tall) shaggy-haired dude in boxers and sagging tube socks into a closet, frantically warning him not to make a sound.
I shook my head in hopes that I'd somehow physically shake the vision loose. Thoughts like that are deadly.
“Oh. Hi.” Lynn wiped the sleep from her eyes and motioned for me to come in.
I hated that I couldn’t just throw my arms around her. Instead, I felt like she wanted me as far from her as possible. I assumed an awkward part-sit/part-lean/part-stand position by her desk.
I cleared my throat and stammered, "Well, I guess there's no easy way to ask this... but... have you made a decision? About us?"
She flinched. "I told you I needed more time to think."
"How long am I supposed to just sit and wait? Do you have any idea what that does to someone?"
"I'm not sure what to say..." she spoke softly. I knew from that sentence that she didn’t need to say anything at all. I knew what she wanted. That’s what this crazy drive here was about, after all… to confirm what I already knew deep inside.
"Forget it, you've said enough." I could feel my cheeks flush. This was humiliating. The girl that sat across from me was a complete stranger. My heart was pounding in my chest. I had to get out of there.
“I probably should be taking off now.”
She nodded and didn’t look at me.
I swallowed hard and scratched my elbow; an act I do when I’m extremely uncomfortable. I stuffed my car keys in my pocket.
I was almost out the door when I had an overwhelming urge to not let go. As hurt as I was, I had to have just one more moment with her. “Am I allowed to hug you?” I asked.
She had done a good job not crying up until this point. Her bottom lip quivered briefly before it twisted into a sad frown and she answered my question by reaching out her arms and nodding. I’ll admit, I wasn’t able to hold back myself. My tears created a dark maroon blotch her shoulder of her ratty red tee-shirt.
My six year relationship was over.
Back in my car, making my way back to LA, I had a terrifying revelation: For the first time since I was 17, I was officially single. I chuckled in disbelief as I realized the shit of my situation... my last real "date" was taking a girl in braces to see that terrible Keanu Reeves movie, "The Watchman." (Remember it? Of course you don't.) So now I am 24 and have had one partner and one experience and zero clues about where to go from here.
Starting this whole thing over again… at 24. Son of a bitch.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Cast of Characters
List of all the players that might be mentioned, associated, or quoted in my anecdotes:
Leo - My former roommate and one of my closest friends. Notorious for winning (and breaking) the hearts of many females. Your modern day Don Juan in a faded t-shirt and Chuck Taylors.
Jack - Newest addition to my circle of friends. Witty, smarmy, and will arrive at any function with a Steele Reserve in his hand as a "warm up". One of my go-tos for advice.
Leroy - Former roommate. Big heart, brings out our geekier side.
Rick - Best friend since 7th grade. Can hold his liquor like the best of us, but is much more wholesome than most.
Mimi - Cousin and best friend, usually has the most accurate insight to my character.
Leslie - Everyone has to have a lesbian friend. Hilarious and always up very front with her opinions.
Jenny - College friend, lived at the sorority next door. Sorority sisters with Mimi, Beth, and Leslie
Paxton - Ex roommate, lived with Leo and me when I first moved to LA.
Veronica - Often ask each others advice and unique insight on the opposite sex. One of the few females friends that hangs out consistently with "the group".
The Girlies
Lynn - My one and only ex-girlfriend. Dated her since high school and we broke up in November 2006.
Janice - An assistant at a production company, I met her through work. We flirted a lot on the phone, but the more I got to know her the more I found out she was absolutely crazy. But she's really cute. Figures.
Ann & Lisa - Met them at a tailgate party randomly. Two cute blonds from the OC who are the biggest lushes I've ever come across. And I was in the greek system at a large university.
the Nurse - Met through friends back in Portland. Blacked out and made out with her in a bar. The first girl I've kissed since the breakup. She seemed alright at first, but after much investigation I'm extremely embarrassed that I did anything. -shudder-
Beth - Lived in the sorority next to my frat and has been one of my closet friends ever since. We've always clicked. Like me, she only has had one boyfriend and that was when she was 23. Her and I have had a dramatic, dark, and twisted past. We had a falling out after this night and haven't spoken since.
Caitlin - Irish girl. There was an interest for awhile, but ended up being a carrot dangler.
Bree - A girl who I met through the blog. We both read each others blogs for quite sometime until the comments turned to emails which turned to gchats which turned to phone calls.
Leo - My former roommate and one of my closest friends. Notorious for winning (and breaking) the hearts of many females. Your modern day Don Juan in a faded t-shirt and Chuck Taylors.
Jack - Newest addition to my circle of friends. Witty, smarmy, and will arrive at any function with a Steele Reserve in his hand as a "warm up". One of my go-tos for advice.
Leroy - Former roommate. Big heart, brings out our geekier side.
Rick - Best friend since 7th grade. Can hold his liquor like the best of us, but is much more wholesome than most.
Mimi - Cousin and best friend, usually has the most accurate insight to my character.
Leslie - Everyone has to have a lesbian friend. Hilarious and always up very front with her opinions.
Jenny - College friend, lived at the sorority next door. Sorority sisters with Mimi, Beth, and Leslie
Paxton - Ex roommate, lived with Leo and me when I first moved to LA.
Veronica - Often ask each others advice and unique insight on the opposite sex. One of the few females friends that hangs out consistently with "the group".
The Girlies
Lynn - My one and only ex-girlfriend. Dated her since high school and we broke up in November 2006.
Janice - An assistant at a production company, I met her through work. We flirted a lot on the phone, but the more I got to know her the more I found out she was absolutely crazy. But she's really cute. Figures.
Ann & Lisa - Met them at a tailgate party randomly. Two cute blonds from the OC who are the biggest lushes I've ever come across. And I was in the greek system at a large university.
the Nurse - Met through friends back in Portland. Blacked out and made out with her in a bar. The first girl I've kissed since the breakup. She seemed alright at first, but after much investigation I'm extremely embarrassed that I did anything. -shudder-
Beth - Lived in the sorority next to my frat and has been one of my closet friends ever since. We've always clicked. Like me, she only has had one boyfriend and that was when she was 23. Her and I have had a dramatic, dark, and twisted past. We had a falling out after this night and haven't spoken since.
Caitlin - Irish girl. There was an interest for awhile, but ended up being a carrot dangler.
Bree - A girl who I met through the blog. We both read each others blogs for quite sometime until the comments turned to emails which turned to gchats which turned to phone calls.
What IS This??
Everyone has their story to tell. Especially bloggers, right? I figure it was time to tell mine.
I suppose a little background information is needed before I begin to ramble on about my anecdotes. I am a 24 year old who packed up his things and moved to the bustling city of Los Angeles, CA as soon as I graduated. A short while ago, I was dumped by my girlfriend of 6 years (all the way back from high school). She transferred schools to be closer to me and within a few months, she found someone else.
More details to come on that I suppose. However, this lays the foundation for the rest of the blog from here on out. I've come to realize within these past few months, I missed out on some of the most important social interactions with girls since being in a 6 year relationship.
I haven't been on a date since high school.
I've only slept with one girl.
I'm starting over at 24. This should be interesting. Wish me luck.
I suppose a little background information is needed before I begin to ramble on about my anecdotes. I am a 24 year old who packed up his things and moved to the bustling city of Los Angeles, CA as soon as I graduated. A short while ago, I was dumped by my girlfriend of 6 years (all the way back from high school). She transferred schools to be closer to me and within a few months, she found someone else.
More details to come on that I suppose. However, this lays the foundation for the rest of the blog from here on out. I've come to realize within these past few months, I missed out on some of the most important social interactions with girls since being in a 6 year relationship.
I haven't been on a date since high school.
I've only slept with one girl.
I'm starting over at 24. This should be interesting. Wish me luck.
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