My interest was immediately piqued and because this request actually fit with the theme of my blog, I accepted her offer. The book was soon in the mail.
I knew I had quite a task ahead of me. I've had my fill of self-help books. I can't recall how many evenings consisted of me trying to distract Lynn by nibbling on her shoulder only to be shoved away, full palm to the face, while she poured intensely over a self-help book (she's getting her masters in psych, what do you expect?). I'm not a fan of these books.
Here's the quick down low of Jess McCann's "You Lost Him at Hello". It's an advice book for girls on dating, but set to the tune of how business folk close deals.
The first thing I noticed was that Jess McCann is attractive and she has been on television. In the first few pages, McCann goes on quite awhile about how she doesn't have any trouble getting dates (which is fine, I suppose... you're trying to establish credibility). My issue is that these dating books about how ANYone can get a man would hold a lot more water if the author was a complete cave troll. Right?? Since when did attractive girls ever have problems getting dates? And who doesn't want to be seen with a reality show celeb?
McCann goes onto list her "successful" dates; she's dated celebrities, pro athletes and one guy on Fortune's 40 Richest Men Under 40. I have a beef with this. I don't really see dating like this as an indicator of "success". Money? Fame? That doesn't preclude the guy from being dull, disrespectful, self-centered, etc. These kinds of men may be successful, but that doesn't mean they're the paragon of dating material. In fact, the trend may be opposite.
What about just dating guys who made you laugh? Who you genuinely connected with? Maybe it's the same problem I have with Sex & and the City, in that Sarah Jessica Parker ends up madly in love with the insanely rich dude who is kind of a dick, but in one episode is a total bitch to a previous boyfriend who surprises her by fixing her laptop as an act of kindness. At the end she never actually apologizes. Women salivating like Pavlovian dogs over wealth, fame, or both.
I didn't make friends with that one. Moving on.
McCann finds her niche though, which sets her book apart from other dating guides. She found a way to basically say the same thing that every dating book repeats, but sheds it in a business-minded light. She uses business phrases to highlight her points (e.g. closing the deal, nonverbal communication, selling the product, etc.). And it works for what she's trying to do. It's a different way to look at things.
However, McCann doesn't really touch on anything new. The advice she deals are things that should be commonsense to girls (God, I hope so). If these girls aren't realizing on their own that they need to put their best foot forward on a date or that they shouldn't incessantly call guy over and over and over and over again if they haven't returned a phone call... I think that we have deeper issues to deal with.
On the other hand, there are some absolutely fucking fantastic moments in her book that I believe every girl should read. McCann dedicates an entire section about, what she refers to as, "Prospecting". Women needing shed the skins from the era of Anne of Green Gables and need to take action. Basically, girls need to start initiating.
She writes exactly what I've tried to explain to girls all the time, "Just think of how hard guys have it".
Thank you, Jess McCann. Fucking thank you. I'd like to send you a giant fruit basket on behalf of my gender.
Unfortunately, she balances this great part out by also advising her readers to play hard-to-get or as she puts it, "holding back the bullet".
"A good salesperson knows when to use her bullets. If you throw them out too soon, you can jeopardize the deal."This means if you want to kiss the guy on the first date, don't do it. Fight that instinct at every cost, even if you really like him.
I can't speak for all guys everywhere. I can only speak for myself. But if I like a girl, I'm going to want to kiss her and I hate the chase. Some guys love it (see: Leo), but I fucking loathe it. If a girl flirts with another guy or turns a cheek when I go in for the kiss or any other form of rejection... I check out. My mindset is simple, "If she really liked me, she wouldn't be pushing me away." I have to strongly disagree with you on this one, McCann. Like I've said before, "do what you want". It makes things much easier.
One nugget of goodness is that McCann holds her readers accountable. Something that "He's Just Not That Into You" does the exact opposite of. I really appreciate McCann's proactive and "walk it off, rub some mud in it" mentality. If you're complaining, do something about it.
But I think that there's a happy medium between placing the blame squarely on females (You Lost Him at Hello) and blaming it all on males (He's Just Not That Into You). Has anyone ever thought... if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out? It wasn't meant to be? Sometimes it's NO ONE's fault?
I guess my view wouldn't sell books.
McCann's book is effective in that it delivers what it advertises (huh. a business strategy). She wrote a dating book using business models.
I do get a little uncomfortable the idea that people have to SELL themselves to get a date. To try and strategize means to convince the guy to take a second look at you. It just seems too cold and calculated. What child wants to hear the story of how their parents met with, "Well kids, when your mom first approached me... I thought she was mediocre and kind of annoying, but she totally convinced me by sticking to her business strategy."
It just doesn't feel right to break down romance like this.
"But don't take MY word for it! Ba da da!" - LaVar Burton, Reading Rainbow
I'm a man of science; I like sciencey things! My advice is, if you really are interested in learning about the opposite sex, pick up books by accredited psychologists.
On girls: "Reviving Ophelia" by Dr. Mary Pipher
On boys: "Raising Cain" by Dr. Michael Thompson and Dr. Dan Kindlon