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Friday, March 7, 2008

Freudian Dreams "The Spy Who Shoved Me"

I actually hate when people tell me their dreams.

"Oh man, it was so weird! You have to listen to it."

And then they go off for like 10 mins. and the entire time you have to fake like it's interesting, when really... it's never as cool unless you're actually the one experiencing it.

But. The one I had last night was extremely bizarre and I think Freud would pop a chub over this bad boy. And I really don't think I had any dreams quite like this when I was dating.

And since it played out like a movie, I present it in screenplay format:

"THE SPY WHO SHOVED ME"

INT. BARRACKS OF A WWII GERMAN BATTLESHIP - NIGHT

Our hero, So@24, is fast asleep on a military cot.

Suddenly, a crack of light from a doorway pours over his face. Someone has entered the room.

The intruder's hand clamps over So@24's mouth and as a result, his eyes shoot open in a panic. He begins to struggle but sees that it's his covert comrade FRAULINE BETH, a blond, voluptuous, spy with an eye patch. She has her finger to her lips, "sssh-ing" him.

So@24, sensing the urgency, scrambles as fast as he can to get into his German military fatigues, but Beth grabs him by the collar pullinh as he's shoving his leg into his pants.

EXT. DECK - NIGHT

Beth has pressed So@24 up against the railing of the deck. Other than the waves of the Atlantic lapping against the ship, it's quiet. Stars are unusually bright.

So@24
Beth! What is this all about?? You're going to get us killed.
If the Germans find out we're working together as spies;
we're dead.
How can you be so careless??

Beth doesn't say a word, but takes a step closer.

A beat.

They embrace.

So@24 isn't quite sure what to make of this strange turn of events. His eyebrows furrow in confusion, but eventually his eyes shut and he enjoys the moment.

The kiss doesn't last long. Suddenly, Beth pulls back and then palms his face like a basketball.

So@24
What the--

A smarmy smile spreads across Beth's face and with her arm extended and with a flick of her wrist, she shoves So@24 over the railing.

So@24
Nooooooooooooooo!

We hear a sickening splash. Beth pulls a thin cigarette from her breast pocket and lights up.

Fade to black.