In order to truly appreciate this story, I'm going to break down what I had to drink over the entire course of the night:
4 mimosas for lunch
3 shots of Black Velvet whiskey
4 shots of vodka
2 Pabst Blue Ribbons
1 vodka redbull
1 Irish Carbomb
Mix this in the body of a 5'3", half asian male and you've got some serious trouble in River City.
(Drunk. That's a capital "D" which rhymes with "T" that stands for trouble)
Which brings us to the same bar from the other night. After finishing an amazing karaoke set, I wiped my the sweat from my brow. This is my last known memory. Now imagine a drunken montage...
Flash! I'm blatantly (and shamelessly) making out with the Nurse on the dance floor
Flash! I look over her shoulder and see a row of my friends across the bar all with shit-eating grins and huge thumbs up. Some are pounding beers. Some are giving each other hugs. Some have somehow managed to acquire party hats and bangers.
Flash! I'm taking a shot with my little brother
Flash! I'm blatantly making out with the Nurse at some different part of the bar
Flash! I'm getting pulled out of the bar by my hand the Nurse and into the streets
Flash! We're at some bar with another couple. She's feeding me humus on a piece of pita bread. We kiss again.
Flash! We're in a cab. And guess what? We're making out.
***
I wake up. I'm breathing hard. I'm going to puke if I think of alcohol. Where am I? I'm on a couch. It's my friends'. That's good. That's good. I blink a couple of times to adjust to the 6:30 am light. Nurse is on the other end of the couch. She's wearing a ski jacket. I look down, I'm wearing my clothes. Whew! Guess that's what happens when you're wearing the away team jersey without home court advantage.
Trying to piece everything together, my face turns a bright crimson. Did I just fucking make out in the middle of a public place? I was that guy. I was THAT guy! AUGH! And she was feeding me!? Holy fuck beans, what is wrong with me?
How did I even get from Point A to Point B? I don't even remember talking to her. What could I have possibly said that lead me to this scenario?? Was I suave? Was I smooth? Did she kiss me first? Did I kiss her? I have absolutely NO idea.
I tiptoe to find my cousin Mimi and we hit the road. After all, I have Thanksgiving feast in a couple of hours.