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The early stages of figuring out where things might be going with an potential interest is absolutely terrifying.
You never show more interest; equal, but never more.
If she's shown promising signs of interest, I follow (perhaps more than one should) close in tow. I've read the signs wrong too many times. Imagine it like a very delicate game of Red Light, Green Light.
This isn't something I'm used to normally. I've learned it the hard way, as most guys do who share my modus operandi of wearing their hearts on their sleeve. I can't begin to count the amount of times Leo has had to grab hold onto the collar of my shirt, slap me twice, look into my googly, heart-shaped eyes and tell me to "cool it". "Hold your cards close to your chest."
Gaging where you are in this merciless footrace, makes for an interesting dynamic when both people blog. And blog honestly.
With blogs, you're exposed. She can read everything you've ever thought and are currently thinking. The reverse is true as well, you can read her dirty secrets. You both are the soggy, 7th grade, lab rats pinned down to the foamy mats prepped for dissection. It's a portal to answer all the questions you've wanted to know and also, some things you wish you'd rather didn't.
And if I'm honest with myself, I can admit that I used to check to see if things were balanced. I mean come on, it's right there... you have to look! Does she write the same as I about her? Am I gushing about how great she is while she's digitally chewing a wad of Bazooka Joe and filing her nails? Is there any interest at all? Does she have this kind of playful banter with other bloggers? BalanceBalanceBalanceBalanceBalance.
When things suddenly become unbalanced; it makes you feel weak and small. There are two types of guys... those who love the chase and will be persistent as fuck no matter how uninterested the girl is.
I'm afraid, I'm not that way. I loathe the chase. Any sign of disinterest or if there's a chance I'm up against other suitors, I grab my fedora from the hat rack. I gently place my neatly stacked documents into my briefcase, tip my hat and I'm out the door with what little quiet dignity I have left.
This early in the game, if the scales are already sliding... it probably means there's an issue, a red flag. It's a whole lot of "no fun" when you think you're running a three legged race, only to see that your friend has stopped to tie their shoes a mile back. And it turns out they wear velcro.
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That was my ridiculously long answer tied to the So@24 theme. The quick answer: Caitlin and I talked on an almost daily basis online. She keeps up with her blog. She still remains one of the few girls who can get a hearty chuckle out of me without trying. She's around.
