I Admit It: I Miss Girl Beds

People have their little neurosis. You have to get all the fruits while playing Pac Man. You have to put exactly 13 ice cubes in your water bottle before playing a soccer game. You can only eat the green and red powder in Fun Dip, but leave the blue.

I have to sleep in my own bed.

At parties, I will always make sure that I have a way of getting home. Whether I'm the sober one or make absolutely sure that someone else is driving my ass back to base camp. If not, I've been known to walk a ridiculous amount of miles home to do so.

This has been an ongoing joke between Jenny and me. I'll drive all the way out to visit her, but I won't ever crash at her place. I can't! I won't! However this past weekend, I made an exception to the rule, gritted my teeth and made plans to sleep over.

Per usual, I got hammered and vaguely remember crawling into Jenny's bed. Jenny and I are good enough friends where it's normal for us to sleep together; completely platonic.

Around 4 in the morning, my eyes instantly shot open and I went into that sudden panic attack where I didn't know where I was. Once I realized I was in Jenny's room, I calmed down and took a moment to soak in my surroundings.

I haven't slept in a real girl's bed since Lynn (Beth's doesn't count). I had forgotten how great girl's beds are. I can't speak for all men everywhere, but at least for me... my beds have matured as much as I have. Which if you've kept up with this blog, isn't saying much.

In college I owned that $30 futon you can get from any Target. You get what you pay for. That is, until I saw that someone had thrown out a perfectly good frame in the alley! Oh... here's a futon mattress too. I'll just throw some sheets around it and that'll be good enough to put under my current mattress! Two mattresses are better than one, right??

When my roommate moved out in LA, I inherited his single (wow! A real bed! Fuck you, futon). It's lumpy. It's squeaky. It's something that belongs in the military.

But what I was experiencing was heaven. Something I had forgotten all about. Is it some universal girl agreement to have immaculate beds?? They are like goddamn, customized nests, I swear. Carefully prepared with the finest of linens! So much care has been put into these havens of slumber!

How could I forget this? This is what it is to sleep! The shit I've been doing in my shanty has merely been me shutting my lids for a few hours. I've settled.

And they always have more room than they really need. So much fucking space, it's amazing. You could roll over twice and not hit the edge!

As I stretched out and took a deep sigh of pleasure, I looked over at Jenny. Hands tucked under her head, in peaceful slumber, softly wheezing away. Fuck. I miss that too. Looking over in the middle of the night just watch your girl sleeping soundly. That's the good stuff too. I stayed up a little while longer, staring at the ceiling thinking about that. I miss away games.

My sleeps this week have been restless. I got a taste of a girl bed and I'm craving it again.

I need to find me a girl bed again.