Sadomasochistic Teakettles

Jack: What did everyone get into this weekend? I've got time for some fucked up stories.
Leo: Which I'm thinking have merit, considering her requests for some, uh, violent... physicalness... in bed.
Jack: Crazy? Violent? Tell me more.
Leo: She wanted to be hit.
Jack: That. is. wow.
Leo: Not with a closed fist, but more like a slap.
Jack: Like where?
Leo: Ass mostly. She asked for it on the face once.
So@24: ...
So@24: ...
So@24: I bought a teakettle at Target this weekend.
Leo: Needless to say, I freaked the fuck out. It got too close for missiles, I switched to guns.
Leo: By which I mean: it's masturbation from here on out. Which by the way, I woke up the next morning to her doing to herself right next to me. It felt like that scene in American Beauty with Annette Bening waking up to Kevin Spacey squealing one off.
So@24: I was going to get the one for $11.99, but decided to take caution to the wind and get the one for $17.99.
Jack: Leo, I miss you.