What's in a Cobbler?

This one goes out to all the guys who have remained friends with their ex girlfriend and then get invited to spend Thanksgiving with her only to discover that you need to bring a dish or else you look like a total chancy.

...

Just me?

Lynn had invited me to spend Thanksgiving with her roommate and her roommate's friend when she heard that I planned on being alone that day.

So@24: Should I bring something?
Lynn: You're going to make something?
So@24: What? You don't think I can make something? Oh, I can make something, sister.
Lynn: Well, if you'd like to make something, you're more than welcome to.

That was it. Now I had to make something. My ex had thrown down a gauntlet (teasing, of course), but now I had to rise to the challenge.

I felt an unexplainable urge to show up and play ball. I'm at a loss for words on how to describe this weird obligation to prove to this figure of the past that I am capable of at least constructing something of worth. Maybe it only makes sense to those guys who there who have been in this similar situation. This dish would be a representation of who I am! A symbol that I am accomplished!

Now what the fuck was I going to make?

I immediately called up my cousin Mimi and told her, "I need to make something to bring to Lynn's Thanksgiving feast. It needs to be delicious. It needs to be something that will not bring the fire brigade of North Hollywood to a burnt out shell of a condo."

Mimi suggested I make a simple cobbler.

I don't even know what a cobbler really is. What's the difference between that and a pie? Fuck it, I don't really need the details I just need to make it.

My cousin emailed me a list and I was off to the grocery store to embark on my quest to prove my valor.

Mimi's list was pretty easy, but with the added pressure of having to make this cobbler edible, I began to second guess myself on every item. I must have made at least 4 separate phone calls to her while wandering the aisles aimlessly.

So@24: What the hell are "pineapple tidbits"? I mean, I see pineapple "halves", pineapple "medley". Did you actually mean to say "tidbits" or are you just trying to be cutesy?
Cousin Mimi: Yes, I meant to write "tidbits". It's a real thing. There should be a can listed as "tidbits".

So@24: You said a can of pie filling. What size?
Cousin Mimi: -sigh- Not the size of a "normal" can. Think short and fat, like a Progresso soup can.
So@24: Oh, that's much easier. Why didn't you just say it that way?

So@24: Shit. I know you said to get cake mix, but I see that they actually have premade pie crusts here! I should just get that instead, right?
Cousin Mimi: You aren't making a pie, idiot. You're making a cobbler. The cake mix makes the crust.
So@24: How does powder just "magically" turn into a crust? I don't need milk or eggs? I'm pretty sure you need milk and eggs.
Cousin Mimi: Goddammit! Stop calling me and follow the recipe! Trust me!

I went home with my ingredients and prepped everything so that I could make it first thing the next morning.

On Thanksgiving day, Lynn met me outside of her apartment to let me in. She took a glance at my pathetic pan of cobbler and gave an "Awwwww..." like you do when you see a Youtube video of a puppy trying to take its first steps, but stumbles adorably.

I scratched the back of my head and tried to explain my finished masterpiece.

So@24: It has some weird powder on the corners, probably the cake mix, but I think it turned out okay?
Lynn: I wasn't going to say anything, but since you pointed it out... -coy smile-
So@24: Alright, alright just grab this icecream and go inside will you?

Turns out, Lynn's roommate's friend is a fucking culinary student. He prepared the entire meal and even a dessert. Lynn just "happened" to not mention that to me so that I would be forced to bring something. She thought it was "funny" to see me go through all that stress and wanted to see what I would bring.

Goddammit.

The result: It turned out to be decent. I made something edible and proved my worth. Mission accomplished for the single guy.

I guess the cobbler really did turn out to be a manifestation of myself; Not much to look like, but if you give it a taste you might be surprised that you can choke it down.

...

Alright that was lame even for me.

So@24's Easy Cobbler for Those Who Need to Put on
a Decent Showing for Your Ex-Girlfriend's Dinner

Ingredients

• 2 short, fat cans of pie filling; I used cherry, but I'm sure you can use whatever.
• 1 stick of butter
• One box of yellow or white cake mix; I used "vanilla bean" because it sounded fucking fancy
• 9" X 13" pan
• 1 can of pineapple tidbits; yes, it should actually say "tidbits"

Directions

• Cover bottom of pan with tidbits. Spread evenly.
• Throw pie filling on top of that. Spread it.
  
• Sprinkle the entire box of cake mix on top of that.
• Slice butter into thin slices and place on top of cake mix making sure it covers as much area as possible. The places you don't place it will be powdery.
  
• Toss that bitch in the oven on 375 degrees for approx 35 mins.
• Serve with ice cream

Note: I guess having powder on the corners where you missed the butter spots isn't that bad
Note 2: When you check on it in the oven and the cobbler starts waving and bubbling, I guess that's totally normal. Don't panic, like I did.