I've decided to share my first impressions so far, although it's only been a week into this magical world of Narnia. I gotta say, I imagined it'd be smooth sailing and I'd be laying back, noshing on Turkish Delight (another Narnia reference, remember when that kid eats those? What the fuck are those anyway? Alright moving along). But...
Online dating isn't as easy as I thought it would be.
1. All the more attractive & fun girls tend to not be active. I swear, 9/10 times I'm scanning through pages and pages of girls and when I land on one to get a closer inspection... they haven't been active in 3 weeks. What's with that?
2. I know I'm not supposed to make a big deal of it, but I must say it's a little disheartening to see that EVERY, SINGLE girl has her ideal height in a date as "At least 5'11"". It really frosts my apricots.
3. I wish there was a way I could sit down with some of these girls face to face and explain to them what makes a decent profile picture. Take off those damn sunglasses. Most telling feature is your eyes!
Worse than just sunglasses? A sunglasses AND a giant, floppy beach hat.
Worse than that? A picture of you taken from 500 ft away standing on a mountain top. I can't see shit. It's like someone asking me, "So which is more attractive? This Lego character with the red snap on wig? Or the Lego character holding the giant gold pirate coin?" I can't tell! They are minuscule Lego characters!
Worse than that? A picture of an extreme close up of just half of your face and "random" aka strategically placed shit scattered on your bed. E.g. a copy of "A Million Little Pieces", an open box of Altoids, and your pink iPod. That's great all that stuff defines you. But really, I'd like to see your face. More than half of it.
4. Composing emails to send to girls is surprisingly difficult. I'm stressing more over these than my blue book exams in college. This is the first impression and I'm sure a million other guys are writing emails to them as well. How do you stand out?
5. I've been pleasantly surprised that there are actually cute girls on here. And one girl had in her profile that she still has a crush on Robin from Disney's version of "Robin Hood". That shit cracked me up. It's comforting to know that there are funny girls out there that aren't taken yet.
6. La Dolce Vita: You for one, sir, are very, very, very picky. This is in NO WAY a negative, it's just that with having a very high opinion of who is attractive it offers less of who is available in the market.
I hate when she's right.
7. I got really excited when I saw that I had my FIRST email! Holy shit! But then I realized that it was a blogger who had signed onto her old profile just to track me down. The email was nice, but fuck that was a cocktease!
* * *
Those are my impressions of my first week with online dating. So far, I haven't been sold. I thought this would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Not that I'm saying that girls are aquatic sea creatures, nor do I want to aim firearms at them... but you get the phrase.
It's still early. But I'm not known for my patience.
If I fail at online dating... I don't know what I'm going to do.
It's still early. But I'm not known for my patience.
If I fail at online dating... I don't know what I'm going to do.
