No More Pussyfootin'

The past two days have been... interesting.

The past two days I have been in intense discussions with Beth about discussing the letter.

As I had already predicted, she was hesitant to discuss it... thought it would be more appropriate to discuss in person rather than IM. Which is completely understandable. Finally sweeping out years of history from under the rug is pretty significant.

However, the weeks have been rolling on and still no definite plans were being made to meet to have this Armageddon conversation.

It finally reached a boiling point on Tuesday and I told her that this conversation needed to happen and I wasn't going to sit around to wait until the flood water to rise above my head. No more pussyfooting. It's time for us to be adults and finally point out the fucking elephant in the goddamn living room that has been freeloading and eating all my Funyuns for the last few years.

Let me express that my goal of this conversation isn't to get some definitive answer from her like, "what are we" but to finally address the weird, fuzzy haze between friends and couple-y shit that goes on. And if we're going to be just friends... to be JUST friends. Which I am 100% okay with.

Our conversation Tuesday ended rather rough/abruptly (angry, IM convos... brings me back to my middle school days, if you'll excuse me, I got some "Dookie" to play). Her last line to me was, "You know if we do this, no one is for us".

An interesting thought. Which she is right about. Considering all the drama that has circled us for years, a lot of the people who have witnessed our tango would disapprove. Which got me wondering, how important IS it to have your friends give their 100% approval? I mean, at 25 years old, does it really matter? What happens if there is a family started with this particular girl? Is it going to matter if my old college drinking buddy Steve doesn't like her?

I digress.

I was about to dust my hands of the entire thing on Tuesday. It really made me miss the security of being in that 6 year relationship. I never had to deal with this wishy-washy bullshit. I knew where I stood and everything was black and white. Fuck, I miss that. All this waiting and confusion doesn't sit well with me.

And then yesterday morning, someone suddenly had a change of heart. I got a "I want you to come to Portland".

This talk is finally going to happen once and for all.

Err.

I think.