Blacked Out Blunders with the Bruins: Part 1

It was a long, long weekend. I'm exhausted and I look/feel like I just got out of some back-alley bar brawl. No rest for the wicked, I suppose.

After work, I drove down to Torrance to meet up with the UCLA girls Ann and Lisa. I pick up a half g of Smirnoff and arrive in the hotel parking lot to wait for Ann (my hand-holding buddy). She's lost and it takes her about an hour for me to get her to the location. No big deal, people get lost all the time.

I help Ann check in and unload all the chips, beer, and ice that she brought. Waiting at the front counter, we start some friendly banter and I find out something interesting: she is just getting out of a six year relationship. That definitely piques my interest; what are the chances, seriously?? She mentions that she is a soccer player and listens to Beatles when she runs. This girl is scoring major points in my book.

Lisa arrives shortly after with 3 other girls and the reunion isn't as awkward as I was anticipating. She's very cute and she straightened her normally wavy blond hair. She gives me a hug, thanks me for coming out and her and Ana waste no time in cracking open the Bud Lights. Fine with me. I am still a little nervous being that I'm the only guy and I just met these girls. To calm my jangled nerves, I grab two complimentary hotel cups and fill one with vodka and one with juice.

They want to hurry though, Oktoberfest is the real reason we're here and we're burning precious time! Ann steps into the bathroom and comes out in an authentic Oktoberfest outfit she purchased in Germany; she's pretty damn cute. It's not like the equivalent to some slutty Halloween costume either. She looked something like this:

Lisa announces it's time to leave and Leo, Chad and Jack call me to let me know they are on their way (they were stuck at a dinner) and will meet us at the festival. The girls down the last of their beers and I finish off my cup of vodka. We cab it to the village and Oktoberfest is well under way.

It's not as cool as I had imagined. No one is really dressed for the occasion (except Ann, of course) and Oktoberfest is basically a bunch of picnic tables set in front of a live band. I'm not impressed, but I don't let it ruin the rest of the night. Leo, Chad and Jack find us easily and we all fill our cups with some German beer and cheers.

I never get a chance to really talk much with Ann since our chat in the lobby and I noticed that she's a bit of a wanderer when drunk. You know the type: the cute girl that likes to make friends with randoms dudes (I guess that makes sense, since that's how WE met). And she's not paying any attention to me, but my roommate Leo. Figures. All the girls go for Leo.

I'm not sure how long we stayed at Oktoberfest, drinking beers and wearing felt hats with feathers, but we make the decision to move the party back to the hotel. This is where things get hazy. I guess I started to take pulls of the Smirnoff straight from the bottle. Lisa and I sit on the bed for about 10 mins and she has a heart to heart with me about her "guy situation". I'm not sure why, but A LOT of girls tend to come to me about their "guy situations". I catch a few glances of Ann, now well beyond sloppy drunk, with her arms wrapped around Leo's. I'm drunk and bitter that her blatant advances are to him and not me. Motherfucker.

Not wanting to stick around for the inevitable hookup I'd have to try and sit through, I tap Jack on the shoulder and slur something along the lines of, "Can you give me a ride back?" I bid farewell goodbye to Leo, Chad and the girls and whisper to my roommate "don't forget to grab the half g!" Jack and his friend Kim toss me in the back seat and I pass out.

* * *

Suddenly, my eyes snap open and my body jerks erect. I'm wide awake now. I look out the window and I see that we're on the 10, but we're not at my exit. My eyes quickly dart over to Jack and Kim chatting in the front seat. It's inevitable. I discreetly unzip my track jacket, pull open the flap and puke something that Jack would later describe as "Nickelodeon orange". I wasn't as smooth as I thought, because Jack and Kim immediately stop talking and look back at me.

"I'm cool, I'm cool. Don't worry, it's all in my jacket. I'm a one time puker. Keep going. I'll be fine."

They decide to pull over anyway and I try to use the gas station air/water hose to clean myself up. I'm put back into the car and eventually make it back home. Jack is amazed that I was able to keep all my stomach contents out of the car and into my shirt/jacket.

I manage to shed my orangey clothes, toss them in the shower and pass out face down in my bed.

I wake up to Leo's voice booming the next morning, "WHAT THE FUCK!?" He must have found my clothes.

Part II to be follow...


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