I'm a Big Hit with 8 Year Old Girls / Janice's Big Visit

The Kid's Choice Awards was a lot of fun this year. I did see Hayden, but I wasn't able to work my game. Her loss.

However, the after party wasn't as elbow rubbing-y as I was expecting. They really do make the KCA's for the kids. Lots of slime, lots of tater tots & chicken nuggets, lots of kids running around with chocolate sundaes smeared on their faces. It was essentially a huge carnival.

They did have free beer though. So I stayed for a little while longer, chatting with my coworkers, munching on bland fish and chips, and sipping Amstel Light.

My pocket kept buzzing the entire time due to texts from an extremely drunk Janice. She was sloshed and it was only 8:00. It was time for me to meet up with destiny.

As I was headed out the door, I felt a tiny finger poke my kidney. "What the--?" I spun around and there was a clan of about six or seven little girls, probably around 8 years old, looking up at me. The bravest one yells out, "OurfriendAshleythinksyou'recute!!" They then shrieked and then scattered, leaving me scratching my head.

I guess you gotta take it where you can get it.

***

Onto my reunion with Janice. Oh Janice. Oh Janice.

When I arrived in the bar to meet her, I actually had to brace myself at the nearest barstool to keep from being knocked over. She was already in that sloppy stage where her eyes were half open and she was adding extra "s"es to all her words.

But the key to hanging out with Janice (or any girls with a similar personality) is that you have to be on her level or even beyond. You have to be drunk. Her voice is still the same high pitched, whine that can make your eye twitch involuntarily. To her credit though, she can let loose and that can be fun.

I have to admit that she was actually fun to hang out with. Again, I found myself in a situation where it was just me and 5 other girls at a bar (none of which I was overly impressed with). But the drinks were flowing, the music was good and for the first time in a long, long time... I found myself on the dance floor. How could I deny the sweet, sweet beats of Hi Five's "She's Playing Hard to Get"??

There was a cute, blonde girl I noticed in a booth, being very animated, chugging a Bud Light. She was with 4 other girl friends and was making them crack up, although I couldn't hear what she was saying. But a funny, cute girl, drinking beer... always stands out to me. How refreshing!
I frantically texted Leo and Veronica to come meet me... I needed someone there for moral support! Alas, they were out west and would not join. Even though I was feeling unusually motivated for some reason, I had to let this one slide. What could I do really? It's extremely difficult to try and approach a girl when she's out with just her girlfriends.

No feeling up took place with Janice. At one point in the night, she pulled me (literally) and kissed me. My shirt is now missing the second button from the top. It was an awkward 4 second kiss before I pulled away and made some kind of lame joke. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And besides, I didn't want to make out on a dance floor, I've been there before and it wasn't pretty. She did take my hand and place it on top of her right boob. That's the most action I've gotten since... Lord knows how long. I've missed boobs.

But again, what am I supposed to do? Grope a feel in the middle of the dance club? Come on, I have SOME class.

2007 World No.1 Beauty: Honey Lee

Honey Lee is the 10th Miss Grand Slam and the first from the Far East. Honey Lee, Miss Korea Universe, is the most striking beauty of 2007! A huge favorite in last year's Miss Universe pageant, in Mexico City, Honey ended the competition as 3rd runner-up, Korea's best result in Miss Universe in 19 years!

Profile

Birth name: Lee Ha-Nui
Date of birth: March 2, 1983
Place of birth: Seoul, South Korea
Height: 1.75 m
Weight: 51 kg
Eye color: brown
Hair color: black
Title(s): Miss Korea 2006
Miss Universe 2007 (3rd runner up)
Miss Grand Slam 2007

Miss Korea Universe 2007 :: Honey Lee

Fake Funerals as Banter - 50 Cent Throws Funeral for Fat Joe (VIDEO)

(TREND HUNTER) Leveraging the power of his online community, 50 Cent hosted a fake funeral for Fat Joe. In the video, 50 Cent makes fun of Fat Joe's relatively poor album sales. He actually cries, "Fat Joe just passed away. Soundscan came out and he sold like 46,000 copies."

50 Cent has long mocked his rivals,… [More]

The Wankiest, Most Moronic April Fools Jokes You Can Pull

Want to find out how you can pwn a colleague at work this April 1st with these fantastic ideas for some really original April fools pranks.

Get pregnant by your boyfriend a couple of months before April fool's day. Then, on the day, go up to your boy friend and say, 'honey aren't you glad I'm not pregnant?'

Select a friend who has a fairly common car for this. Obtain a good hefty baseball, and take to his car like Ryu in the car smashing bonus round in Street fighter. Once his car has been done in, take a couple of pics of the car making sure that the number plate is not clearly visible. Then send him a mail with the pics saying 'Man, I'm so glad this is not your car.'

Rock up to your boss and yell, 'you scum sucking penny pinching ass wipe. I fucked your wife, screwed your mother and raped your daughter, and your daughter enjoyed it. I'm fucking quiting this piece of trash job.' After that quickly add, 'Happy April fool ass hole!'

Walk up to that sexy co-worker you've been ogling for a long time and say, 'I'd like to have hot monkey lovin sex with you.' If she looks shocked, quickly says it's an April fools joke, before she slaps you in the face. If, however, it appears that she may actually be considering the proposition because she's never had sex with the abominable snowman before, leave out the April fool part and take her to bed. You might want to try this out on other less sexy women also.

Get down on one knee and ask her to marry you. Find out once and for all if she's ok just having sex or whether you'll have to dump her because she wants more, without any pressure of actually having to marry her.

50 Cent Launches His Own Social Networking Site

Rap star 50 Cent has launched a social networking site called ThisIs50.com. Now artists such as 50 Cent, who already have a massive presence on MySpace, are branching out to create their own social networking websites. Even thought 50 has around a million "friends" on MySpace, with his own website, he gains a level of control on his fans that he does not have at other social networking sites. He can, for instance email his fans whenever he wants about upcoming events and include all kinds of ads on the email or offer paid downloads, merchandise etc, etc.


50 Cent Social Networking Site

Korea Famous Actress: Kim Tae Hee

Thanks for support, for more detail and photos about Kim Tae Hee 金泰熙. Please visit our new website. Please click here: http://asianhotbeauty.com

Is the New Euro Civic type-R (FN2) For Posers? Has Honda Japan Given It the Cold Shoulder?

Honda's latest little rice machine the the Euro civic type-R or the FN2 civic type-R seems to be killing it's competition in the UK and making inroads in Australia. However, the question that needs to be asked - that no one wants to ask - is, 'Is the Euro civic type-R for posers?' More importantly has Honda Japan (rice boy headquarters) disowned the FN2-R ?

Lets look at the facts. Type-Rs have come to represent the best of Honda's technology and racing spirit. There is always something a little raw about a type-R. From it's vtec lobes down to the LSDs, there has is something angry about it. The engine is not like a cheetah (v8 hemi), but like a house hold dog whipped close to point of death to make it run as fast. This high revving, squealing, albeit low-torque engine is what has endeared it to the rice boy community.

Let's have a look at the past Rs. You have the DC2, DC5 type-Rs. All made in japan and available in Japanese variants and export variants. You have the Ek9 also made in Japan. Then you have the Ep3 type-R. Made in the UK, but finished in japan for the Japaneses domestic market. The now legendary FD2 civic type-R (FD2-R for short) made in Japan and sold exclusively in Japan and recently in Malaysia. So what of the FN2 Euro/Australian civic type-R (FN2-R for short)? Well it's made in the UK and not officially imported into japan. Why would the Japaneses want that 3-door piece of crap? They have the mighty FD2-R that laps Tsukuba circuit to within a second of the NSX. Sure, the ride is harsh and you may end up with your liver in your lung cavity and your balls a the back of your throat, but it's uncompromising, and that is what makes it a type-R. But, the dead-give away as to the fact that Japan has quietly disowned the Euro civic is the paint! The Euro civic type-R is not available in championship white!. Every other type-R worth it's synthetic oil was offered in championship white except the 3-door. Because Rice boy headquarters in Tokyo (Honda, Japan) have deemed it unworthy to wear the legendary paint.

The FN2 makes a fine first type-R for anybody. But for hard core ricers who have owned something like a DC2-R before, driving the Euro type-R is like eating a hoof after you have tasted a wagyu beef steak. The only hope is the 260bhp Euro civic type-R R. Yes that's two 'R's. And yes, it comes in championship white!

Unusual Body Art-Dental Tattoos

I,in my naivety,thought that I had seen the last frontier for body tattoos when I saw people getting inked inside their eyes. I was so wrong! But it never occurred to me that some people would want to get tattoos on their teeth!!! Tooth artist (what is it? a trade, a craft or a profession?) Heward Dental labs can create custom made, hand painted artwork on your teeth. Having been in business in this industry for 30 years, “We have found that there is a lack of true artists in our industry. Our technicians were trained first to be artists and then taught how to construct teeth. Inventorspost said: “they say that you will have your very own custom crown in 6 easy steps which include obtaining a prescription, picking out your artwork, deciding where you want it, and visiting your dentist to have it put in place”. Prices for the dental work range anywhere from $75 to $500. How bizarre. via

Fun w/ MySpace Pt 2: Janice Is Back

Part 1 is here.




Janice - Mar 28 2008 11:14 AM

I'm comin back to hollywood tonight :)

keep tomorrow night open!
we need to catch up on some lost drinking time!! ;)

I wanna see you!!

-high pitch girlie shriek-

-pant pant-

-catches breath-

-grumble grumble-

So@24 - Mar 28 2008 2:03 PM

I'll get you a Touch Down*.

Janice - Mar 28 2008 2:09 PM

touch downs and feel ups.


looks like we've got ourselves a pretty good saturday night ahead of us sir!

-shakes head in disbelief-

Give me a break.

* one of my favorite drinks. Shot of mandarin vodka into a cup o' Redbull.

Cory Worthington - Party Liaison

Is this dumb maggot (aged 16) australia's best export? Ever since he trashed his parents' house by throwing a party for 500 people in January this year, he's shot to notoriety. A UK wannabe try-hard by the name of Sarah Ruscoe threw a party for 2000 guests at her father's 21 room mansion a couple of weeks back for her 18th birthday. But let's face it, it's a piss poor attempt at imitating Cory. Sarah's father is rich and he's got a 21 room mansion. That's almost royalty, and royalty can be excused, because they are essentially inbred idiots, Prince Charles - case in point. Cory on the other hand is basically Australian middle-class white trash. The cops that came to break up Cory's bash threatened to slap his parents with a $20,000 fine. They were obviously very angry because the beer and weed were all finished by the time they turned up.

Anyway looks like Cory has shored up a deal with UK mobile giant 02 to do some publicity. This is the fruit of his and his parents' hard labour. Of course his parents were in on it. They feigned shock and outrage (so they wouldn't have to pay the angry police) and quickly went running to one of Australia's trashiest current affairs shows "A Current Affair" to give their son some exposure. The parents' are smart, because let's face it, they know that their loser son is not going to amount to anything more than a mentally retarded gas station attendant jelly fish. Does this moron represent Australian youth in general? To a certain extent he does. The minor discrepancy is that he doesn't do drugs. Especially ice, which is becoming more popular than sex with the youth, because you have to pay less for ice.

Cory Worthington is now synonymous with Australia, eclipsing Tom Cruise escapee Nicole Kidman and those furry creatures that never bath- the Koala's. He's probably doing more for Australian tourism than that bimbo model Lara Bingle or that precocious crocodile torturer Bindi Irwin. At least now when you mention Australia people will scream Cory Worthington, rather than give you a blank stare and drool from the side of their mouths. But the most important question is will this get him some action, and by action I mean sex? I'm sure there are heaps of young, pretty and ugly virgins who would love to give it up to Cory Worthington - party liaison. Yes, he has it made.

Cory enters Australian Big Brother House

Cigarette Box Cell Phone-The Wang XYW 3838

So, they decided to make a cell phone that not only looks like a pack of cigarettes, but also holds real cigarettes in the back! The Wang XYW 3838 phone runs on dual band GSM, takes micro SD cards, plays MP3, has a color screen and a VGA camera on the side. The price of this pack of cigarettes/cell phone is about $175 and right now they are only available in Taiwan.



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Leo's Three Week Pinch

I can't take it anymore! She's driving me crazy! I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, and I'm here, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest -- something's gotta give!
- Seinfeld, The Contest

My roommate doesn't date. He doesn't put in effort. He lets the girlies come to him. That's just how he rolls.

So whenever I see him in his 20 minutes back and forth texting sessions on his iPhone, it always piques my curiosity. Especially when I found out that it was a text with "that girl's" friend. Whenever I went to hang out with them, he'd always brush it off without the slightest bit of interest in coming with. Fucker.

But recently, Leo's been inviting her out with us. They've been texting back and forth. Highly irregular for someone who initially showed no interest whatsoever. And she's definitely not anywhere close to his type for potential dating material. So I went to the source, what gives?

So@24: I've been noticing you've been texting this Cassie girl a lot. Are you slipping, man? You never showed any interest in her before.
Leo: It's the 3 week pinch dude.
So@24: The what?
Leo: -sigh- The 3 week pinch. Every single guy has it.
So@24: ...
Leo: Think back. Remember how you were crawling up the wall the first few weeks after not getting any? Well now you're fine, right? Smooth sailing.
So@24: -hangs head- Yeah, you're right. It's like a chain smoker explaining to a non smoker how good a cigarette is.
Leo: Exactly.
Leo: So, it's been 3 weeks. I'm dying here man.
So@24: You son of a bitch.
Leo: Uncle Leo needs to get his.
So@24: Ahhhhhhhhhh... the bachelor life.

Another lesson learned.

Amazing Bottle Cap Portraits-The Work of Molly B. Right

These amazing portraits were made with bottle caps. Among the characters portrayed are Abraham Lincoln, Dutch master painter Johannes Vermeer's Girl with Pearl, iconic jazz singer Billie Holliday, Cher in all her bottle cap glory, Greek mythology character Medusa and others. These portraits are the creation of artist of Molly B. Right.





















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Sexy Leg Beauty

Thai Beauty: Kratae Supaksorn Chaimongkol

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Strippers are Awkward.

Shortly after my break up (which fueled this blog), my lesbian friend Leslie flew down to Los Angeles to cheer me up.

We spent most of Friday trying to polish off half g's of Smirnoff and singing (shouting) Shiny Toy Guns "You Are The One" at the top of our lungs. But come Saturday evening, I was out of ideas how to entertain my friend.

Leslie: How about a strip club? (eyes widen, mouth opens in huge cartoony smile) We need to get your mind of Lynn and onto some boobies!

Guh. Strip clubs. I hate strip clubs. There's nothing fun about strips clubs:

• You have to pay to get in
• You have to pay for drinks
• You have to pay just to watch
• I always feel bad for the girls (even though I'm sure there are some who actually enjoy it and could give two shits). But I still feel bad.
  
• It's a cocktease. "It's like rubbing wax fruit all over a hungry man"
• Let's face it... strip clubs are fucking awkward.

I shut down the idea, but Leslie kept insisting that I was being a wet blanket. And she's the guest. So. I guess I can take her to a strip club.

I drive us down to the Sunset Strip and each time I look in the passenger seat, Leslie is rubbing her hands together in a mischievous manner.

As we pay our cover, I notice the girl in the cashier's box is actually pretty cute. But what the fuck am I going to do? Ask this girl out after shelling out $15 cover for a strip club?

We get inside and NO ONE is there; it is 7:30 afterall. Music is playing. There's a girl dancing. But no one is there.

Leslie: Alright! Let's sit down!
So@24: I can't believe we're doing this. Let's go to the back and drink more.
Leslie: No way. We're doing this. This will cheer you up, I promise!
So@24: Fine, but we're sitting in the very back.
Leslie: Fuck that! You think this is just about you? I want to see some naked ladies too.
So@24: Sigh.

So. It's Leslie and me at the stage. There's some guy in the back, wearing a greasy trench coat, and nursing what looks to be a rum and coke.

Some girl comes on stage and during her routine, accidentally trips on her underwear. She nervously kicks it aside and I'm actually embarrassed for both of us. Leslie is cracking up.

When I get nervous, I pull out my cellphone and start texting. Leslie, meanwhile, starts putting HER dollar bills in front of me so she can enjoy watching me squirm in confusion when the stripper keeps coming over to me.

After the song is over, I tell Leslie I need to be drunk before I go in there again. We walk across the street to some margarita joint and we continue to pound drinks.

Leslie pulls us BACK into the strip club and by now the place is packed.

Leslie: I'm getting you a lapdance.
So@24: No dude, no. Seriously. And I'm not doing that thing where it's like, "Oh please don't surprise me on my birthday and tell the staff at Applebees!" and then you secretly do it and it's humiliating and everyone there gets a good laugh. I'm serious, Leslie. DON'T DO IT--

Suddenly. A tap on my shoulder.

Before I can even finish my sentence or even turn around to see who the mysterious tapper is, I glare at Leslie. Leslie smiles back.

Leslie: Have fun.

I shoot daggers.

Great. Now I have to act like I'm all excited to do this, because I feel like if I don't... I'm insulting my designated stripper. Wait a second... it's that awkward stripper from earlier! The one who tripped herself

So@24: (with feigned excitement) Hey... you!
Vanessa the Stripper: Ready?
So@24: Oh yeah. Totally, man. Totally.

Vanessa the Stripper grabs my hand. Oh fuck me. She's holding my hand? Am I holding hands with a stripper? This is weird man, this is weird, this is weird.

She leads me to this back room. It feels like I'm going to the SATs or something. I really, really don't want to do this.

I shit you not, the song she picks to dance to is Blink 182's "Always". I'm not sure how many people know this song, but it has to make the top list of songs NEVER to strip to (along side Eric Clapton's "Tears from Heaven" and John Williams "Back to the Future theme"). Not only are you stripping to a Blink 182 song, but the lyrics are depressing as hell. Especially when you're in the middle of a serious break up:

I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying
And your hands they shake with goodbyes
And I'll take you back if you'd have me

So Vanessa starts doing her thing.

Vanessa the Stripper: ...... .... ....?
So@24: What??
Vanessa the Stripper: I said, could you pull your chair closer?
So@24: Oh right. Uh sure. I couldn't hear you because the music... you know... it's loud.
Vanessa the Stripper: I know right?
So@24: Right.

Vanessa the Stripper then tries do some weird, fancy stripper move where she flips her leg over my shoulder. But because she's obviously a novice, she accidentally clips me on the shoulder. Hard.

Vanessa the Stripper: Oh my God! I'm so sorry!
So@24: It's cool. I'm okay.
So@24's inner monologue: I'm going to kill you Leslie.

And then she strips her underoos off. Do I look at this?? I feel like it's like the Lost Ark; you're not supposed to be looking directly at her greedy love hole or else your face melts off (that's right, TWO Raider's references).

Don't look at it!

Shut your eyes, Marion!
Don't look at it, no matter what happens!

Do I plaster a phony smile the entire time? Act like I'm getting my rocks off looking at this?

The song ends. Thank God.

Vanessa the Stripper: So, do I have you for another song?
So@24: Uh thanks, but no... um, my friend bought this for me. And... don't... have any... more... money. But it was nice. Thanks again.



Fuck.

I hate strip clubs.

Happy birthday, Leslie!

A PC That Can Help Manage Your Home-The "ProsperPC" Concept

The ProsperPC is a home system allowing families to experience a better standard of living. The system embraces the evolution of technology in the home, encouraging the entire home to act and function as one. One key safety feature of ProsperPC is the ability to monitor the status of your house. The ability to see the quality of the environment around you and be informed about its conditions brings comfort and confidence. A second feature, building on the ability to monitor various utilities, is the power to alert a family of wasted resources. The ability to regulate energy usage saves money and is less harsh on the environment. ProsperPC is a flexible system for the home that could be beneficial today, and even more so in the near future. Reemphasizing the ability to embrace future technology, ProsperPC can adapt and utilize prospective intelligent applications.

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